I like guns and I like trucks
And I like hunting ten-point bucks
But I don’t like moonshine or beer
So I’ll stop your banjo solo here.
Tag Archives: Country Music
One More Try (Guess Who Went To A Bluegrass Show Tonight?)
I was raised out in the country
A couple miles past “out in the sticks”
And I’ve got that country talent
For meetin’ just the most unfaithful chicks;
The Jezebels and the Delilahs,
The ones who’ll love you ‘til the dawn
But when I’m done cookin’ ‘em breakfast
It’s an empty bed, and oh! My wallet’s gone!
Woe is me! Woe is I! Woah, I think I caught her eye…
What’s the harm in making one more try?
Well I’ve tried bein’ a nice guy,
Bein’ bad, and bein’ cool,
But the role I’m best at playin’
Has gotta be the damned romantic fool.
Well I keep a few reminders
Of them in my rogue’s gallery.
If I’d a dollar for each trinket
I could pay a politician’s salary.
Woe is me! Woe is I! Woke up, so I didn’t die.
What’s the harm in making one more try?
Well they’ve got these handy programs
Where women on the worldwide web‘ll
Write about how they love laughter,
Tasty food, travel, hiking, and a rebel.
Seems a shame they’d waste their effort
Fielding mail from some desperate guy
When here I am, arms and heart open
And when it ends she’ll never cry.
Woe is me! Woe is I! Woman please just hit “reply.”
What’s the harm in making one more try?
Sure, when all is done and finished
Her ego’s big and mine’s diminished,
But I keep making one more try…
Tearjerker Country Songs 101
It’s a stormy night of sorts
And there’s a church nearby
And the preacher with a troubled past
Welcomes some stranded guy.
They small talk for a while
Until the preacher tells the tale
Of how some dude did something bad
And didn’t go to jail.
Some family member died too young
And everybody’s sad
And you get the impression
That God is really bad.
But then the random stranger
Who was talking to the priest
Is suddenly regretful
And reveals he was the beast
Who did the aforementioned crime
That caused the kid to die.
Then he says “Will you forgive me?”
And everybody starts to cry.
Then everybody’s fine and stuff
And no one finds it odd
That injustice is suddenly fine somehow
‘Cause hey, why not? Yay God!
Filed under Poems
AI Writes A Country Song
Today I’m bored and kinda tired,
For sure not feeling too inspired,
So a thought emerged within my head:
Let robots do my job instead!
So I was nit at all upset
When a robot said “I can write a rhyming couplet.”
I said “write me a country song,”
And here’s the poem that came along:
——————————————————–
See the hightailing of the cowboy,
I think he’s angry at the ahoy.
He finds it hard to see the horse,
Overshadowed by the rainy field of force.
Who is that yodeling near the saddle?
I think she’d like to eat the cattle.
She is but a rural addition,
Admired as she sits upon a position.
Her leather car is just a beer,
It needs no gas, it runs on steer.
She’s not alone she brings a dog,
a pet dog, and lots of parts catalogue.
The dog likes to chase a truck,
Especially one that’s in the dabbling duck.
The cowboy shudders at the country gun
He want to leave but she wants the bun.
——————————————————–
The poem’s bad, and I think it’s neat
That I am not yet obsolete.
Sure, technology is fun
But robots 0, human 1.
Thar’s Lookin’ At The Bri’ Side!
I went to bed at midnight
And woke at 5:00 AM
Happy, peaceful, prepped to seize the day,
“But its early” I thought
And so I hatched a plot
To sleep a few more hours anyway.
Now its just about 11:00
And I’m achy, sick, and bored
Wondering what the heck went wrong.
Now I’ll get dumped and buy a gun
And call up Brooks and Dunn
And maybe this day can be a country song!
Filed under Poems
Cletus The Storm Trooper’s Country Song
I went to the range
To learn how to shoot.
I had me a gun
For to have me a hoot.
I pulled me a trigger
And I used my head
And thanks to my prudence
No targets ended up dead!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 