My financial situation
Is eating this rodent whole.
They told me I should “gopher broke.”
Alas, I’m just a mole.
Tag Archives: Silly
It Shone in the Far Window
Moon light, moon bright,
Only moon I’ll see tonight…
Then my neighbor proved me wrong,
And I had to sing a different song.
Filed under Poems
Garb-led Thoughts
I wonder if pants are perverts,
Delighted by their jobs,
Or whether some are picky
And are nether-region snobs.
And how do skirts and dresses
Differ from their legged kinds?
I imagine they are similar,
But with much more open minds.
And what of kilts and leggings?
Of loincloths and codpieces?
What difference is the length and style
Of those modesty-guarding fleeces?
Perhaps I’ll never know the musings
Of my lower body clothing.
I just hope their destiny
Is something they aren’t loathing.
Filed under Poems
…or something
This poem: you might find
Reading it is kinda tough
Because it touches on
Things like vaguery and stuff.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Impossible Yoga
Breathe in, breathe out.
Put your lips in a pout.
Breathe out, breathe in.
Extend all your skin.
Inhale, exhale.
Stretch each fingernail.
Air above, air beneath.
Bite your lower teeth.
Breath out, breathe in.
Stare up at your chin.
Take in the air.
Flex all of your hair.
Count sideways from ten,
And do it again.
Filed under Poems
Weaknesses
Superman has kryptonite.
Spiderman has tiny knives.
Batman has gravity
And Cat-woman’s nine lives.
Wolverine has bad-hair-days.
Underdog has Polly.
Godzilla has the human race,
And “The Beav” has Wally.
Chubby folks have ice cream.
Skinny folks have breezes.
Rats have humans, dogs, cats,
Birds, and poison cheeses.
Chapter books have fragile spines
And test-takers have zeroes.
The theme of this poem, apparently,
Knows just five superheroes.
Filed under Poems
Autobiography
Somebody somewhere
Has a song in their head
As they write a short poem
From the lukewarmth of their bed.
Filed under Poems
Linguistically Correct
I went to the movies
With a hefty bag
Of detritus, garbage, and junk
Because you told me
To take out the trash.
This was the date up which I thunk.
Filed under Poems
Ode to an iPhone
You tell me how much time I waste
And predict my musical taste.
You hold my apps. My photos too.
Where would “i” be without you.
You give me guidance when I’m lost.
You’re worth my monthly data cost.
When I’m lonely on the road
I swipe to wake you and enter my code
And there I am! Right back at home.
In a pinch, you’re a mirror for my comb.
You light the darkness, check my mail,
Encourage me to “play again” when I fail.
You’ll be with me night and day.
To all your thoughts I’ll click OK.
So phone of mine, I cannot lie:
You are the Apple of my “i.”
Filed under Poems
Econ 400, Minute 1
Via obfuscatory principles
And derivative pomp
It is my imperative to greet you
To my academic romp,
Wherein the equilibrium,
Elasticities, and curves
Shall give M. Night Shyamalan
Envy of my topical swerves.
I do hope to saturate you
In the ways of Bayes and Nash
While displaying free-market principles
By trading good grades for cash.
Please infer your syllabus,
Or you shan’t this lecture win.
Now, like a prisoner’s dilemma,
To start, we must begin…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 