Tag Archives: Heroes

When The Dragon Finally Wins

Where once there was a chosen one

There stands the lovely fool,

A hero who can’t distinguish

The prison from his school.

The chosen of the dragon and

The savior of the mass

Who once was slaying goblins now

Must take his english class.

The heroes, rogues, magi, and bards,

Barbarians and knights

Have no hydras to vanquish, thus

They learn the Bill of Rights.

What was a land of magic, full

Of ogres, orcs, and elves

Becomes a land where they must slay

The voices in themselves,

The ones that say “You are worthy,

“You are, by nature, fair.”

Teacher says “Slay those parasites,”

Preaching how not to care.

Though no fantastic heroes live

Today, perhaps they can;

There is a dragon, as yet unslain,

Whose form we call “The Man.”

We have the weapons, we have the words,

To fight on, brave and true.

Think for yourself and find your way

To start the tale anew.

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The Hero We Deserve

I hope somewhere there is a bat

Who’s terrified of men

Who flew off to train with ninjas

And (insert syllables here) then

He became a vigilante

Fighting crime and stuff like that.

He holes up in his man cave

Because he’s called Manbat.

He wears a man-shaped costume

With a cape that’s shaped like fat.

The drives his manmobile badly

Because he is a bat.

I want this very badly

Mostly ’cause of the “man cave” pun.

His sidekick is called Flamingo

And yes, this poem is done.

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My Idol/Idle

Cheerful monotone lawnmower

Murdering grass.

Doesn’t care about the Joneses.

Doesn’t kiss anyone’s ass.

Even when it’s rainy and gray

It lacks the ability to feel blue.

Why couldn’t I have been born

A gas-powered rotary blade too?

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Bat Teen

Great adventures await

Those with powers great.

I’m great too,

But woop-de-doo,

I’d rather sleep in late.

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Weaknesses

Superman has kryptonite.
Spiderman has tiny knives.
Batman has gravity
And Cat-woman’s nine lives.

Wolverine has bad-hair-days.
Underdog has Polly.
Godzilla has the human race,
And “The Beav” has Wally.

Chubby folks have ice cream.
Skinny folks have breezes.
Rats have humans, dogs, cats,
Birds, and poison cheeses.

Chapter books have fragile spines
And test-takers have zeroes.
The theme of this poem, apparently,
Knows just five superheroes.

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