We lost one hour
When we got out of bed.
Next year let’s do it
On a Monday instead.
Tag Archives: Silly
Don’t Talk To Strangers, AKA Board Games
I walked up to a stranger
And promptly said “I’m bored.”
Turns out he’s a genie.
“I’ve heard your wish, my lord.”
Alas, the genie’s spelling
Was unfortunately poor,
And that’s the tale of how
I became a two-by-four.
Filed under Poems
A Trainer’s Life
I was taking a walk
Down route 123
When I saw you
Turn and look towards me.
As our eyes met
It was just like they said,
Like an exclamation point
Flashed over your head
And then you walked toward me
And called through the air:
“I like shorts! They’re comfy
And easy to wear.”
And then you attacked me
With your slave-monster pets.
I took all your money
And I have no regrets
Because I’m the greatest
Like no figure in lore.
That’s why you don’t
Make eye contact anymore.
Filed under Poems
Emotion
I’m crying like an onion
At a family reunion,
Laughing like a hyena
Listening to itself laugh,
Questioning everything
Like a / with a stuck shift-key,
Floating like a butterfly,
Stinging like the aftermath
Of an inadvisable romantic encounter.
Chick flicks, eh?
Filed under Poems
1040-eHarmony
Internet dating
And income taxes
Are emotionally the same.
There’s little fun
In either one,
And both will cause you pain.
No one says
“I’ve made enough
“And I’m happy to contribute
“To an elite few
“Who’ll give to you
My wealth to redistribute.”
Likewise, those
Who go online
To stop their solo-selfie habit
Will seldom say
“She looks ok.
“I just hope we don’t kill the rabbit.”
Instead, you
Fill out some forms
Which make you very bored.
A silent alarm
Says “this may cause harm,
“But chances are you’ll be ignored.”
You look closely
For line 1F,
It’s gone, but you search some more,
Then you say “good enough”
To five digits of fluff
(Or for poets like me, prob’ly four).
And then your attention
Goes all out
On trying to attractively answer
“What makes you feel alright
“On a Saturday night?”
When the truth’s “writing poems about Cancer.”
And when you’re finished
You feel exposed
And tired from each number and letter,
But you won’t go to jail
Or with sexy toys flail.
Now there, don’t we all feel better?
Filed under Poems
Last Chance!
To those of you
Who’ve found a love,
Or maybe just a date,
Tomorrow you’ll
Have happiness
From early until late.
For those like me
Who are alone,
Why are you still reading this?
You’ve still got
Some hours left!
Find something not-too-gross to kiss!
Filed under Poems
Tag, Circa 2016
I used to think the male gender,
Was a role in which I fit.
I was happy being “he”
Until they said “you’re it.”
Filed under Poems
A Boy Named Goose
My friends all shouted “goose”
As the spear flew towards my head.
I might be alive today
If they shouted “duck” instead.
Filed under Poems
What’s Missing
On my iPad
I can write,
Listen to music
Or make my own.
I make spreadsheets,
Surf the web,
And instantly sync
With my iPhone.
I can download
All the knowlege
Of humanity
Or pics of a cat.
By default it has everything
I could want
Except a calculator,
‘Cause who needs that?
Domestic Departure
Her skin smells of home
Like a freshly-cooked meal.
Her hair gleams in the sun.
Like a newly mopped floor.
Her eyes are as blue
As just-cleaned toilet water.
Too bad she doesn’t
Live here anymore.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 