I was born a lightbulb,
Just a magnet for a moth,
But I decided I’d be happy
If I were a goth.
So I donned some darkness
To become a blacklight demon.
I’d work to show cops where people
Cleaned up blood and semen.
But alas the business
Of policing wasn’t booming
And I sought some other jobs
With unemployment looming.
Now I make the alleys cosmic
Down at Downtown Bowl.
I may have sold out to the man
But I’m still a gothic soul.
Filed under Poems
There once was a poet-slash-spy
Who was quite the mysterious guy.
He’d write the last thing he’d think
In invisible ink
.
Filed under Poems
You know that food you enjoy
Every once in a while,
That you can heat in a minute
And always makes you smile?
What if that niche pleasure
Came in a 500 pack for a dollar?
If you want to pay us to buy that
Just give old Costco a holler!
Filed under Poems
I’m inspired by that hand dryer
That’s supposed to blow the air
So the water that was on your hands
Is, well, no longer there
But it one day just decided
“I don’t like this anymore,
“So let them press my button
“And then remember what pants are for.”
Filed under Poems
I wonder if goats
Ever look at ghosts
And think
“If not for bad spelling
“That could have been us…”
Filed under Poems
I think the worst injustice
That we tolerate these days
Is how we abuse the roads
In a variety of ways.
We hit the road so often,
Pound the pavement, and it’s clear
That the roads get walked all over
And quitting time is near.
We’d never stab our children,
But we stick forks in the road
Then expect it to hold on
While it carries our giant load.
It’s time to give the streets a break…
Oops! I mean let them rest!
Anyway, quit using roads
Because that’s for the best.
Filed under Poems
All that is gold does not glitter;
All that is green does not grow;
But all that is orange and all that is silver
Will not have an easy rhyme though.
Filed under Poems
Spring chicken, tell me what you see
Beyond the veil of this unyielding world?
It is a strange thing, to be sure,
And I’m not sure I understand it
In my mind or heart
But still I trust, for I asked and you answered
“Puckaaaawwwwww!”
I shall strive to live by those words.
Filed under Poems
The sky had a sun that was adorning
The sky at five a.m. in the morning.
It was bright and obnoxious
And for some reason I thought this:
“Go down now… this is your last warning.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 