Never chew your eyebrows off.
“Why would I?” You surely scoff.
“And also how?” You’ll likely say.
If you so choose you’ll find a way.
Thus my warning: Please don’t try.
For this you’re welcome. Now good bye!
Tag Archives: Silly
Employment Is Overrated
It’s late
And I’m tired.
That’s what happens
When you get hired.
Filed under Poems
…And That Proves My Toughness (Or Something)
My Uncle was a pussy.
My Grandpa was a wimp.
My Father was a chicken
And my Brother is a shrimp.
My Cousins are all cowards
And my Nephews are namby-pamby
Just ’cause I’m the guy
Who shot the mom of Bambi.
Filed under Poems
Proof That Money Is Meaningless
$$$ $$ $ $$$$$$$
$$$$ $$ $$$$$ $$$.
$$$$ $$$ $ $$ $$$$$$:
$$$ $$$$ $$$$$!
Filed under Poems
Announcing the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably)
Today I socialized again.
It’s becoming a bad habit…
Anyway, my friend and reader said
My opinion towards chickens is “stab it.”
I’ve written about chickens for dinner
And, yesterday, going to Hell.
All in all my poems about chickens
Do not treat them very well.
I wanted to amend my cruelty
Towards our egg-laying kin
And so I announce a contest
That upon this fine day shall begin!
Now a good contest must have a theme
And should recur on an oft-scheduled basis
And feature many a viewpoint
And not force the victor into cryogenic stasis.
My contest achieves all of these goals
And here’s what the contest is called:
The Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good”
Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably).
I’m seeking submissions from readers,
From other poets, artists, and guests
On the topic of the glories of chickens
And of a quality that won’t get an A on tests.
So comment your dubious poetry
About the glory of hens and of cocks.
Just comment them on this announcement
And just make sure that none of them rocks.
I look forward to reading your poems
And the chickens most likely do not
Because they’re illiterate morons.
(Now’s your chance to prove that they’re not)!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Rental Property In A College Town
So you’re in need of housing
And you’re the budget-concious type, right?
Well I’ve got an arrangement
That will surely have you swipe right!
Now, first impressions matter
But second chances matter more
So don’t pass too harsh a judgement
Just ’cause it doesn’t have a door.
The walls have unique colors
But all’s not what it seems.
Some folks don’t think it looks at all
Like puke and shattered dreams.
If you’re one who likes hunting
But like to stay inside the walls
You can satisfy both longings
With wild game that roams the halls.
When it rains you won’t need faucets.
When its hot a breeze comes in.
When it’s cold you’ll make a fire,
Which in my book is a win.
So if your shattered ego
Is numb enough to stay
You’ll get the cheapest rent in town:
A thousand bucks a day!
Filed under Poems
Involuntary Green Party Inductees Share Their Stories
Clumps of verdant
Pungent green,
Thicker than
I’ve ever seen.
Green as moss
In the city park,
Thick and tough
As cedar bark.
Tufts of emerald
Large as deer,
As far as you
Can see and hear.
Aromatic green
As wide as can be…
I only can wonder
Why it’s growing on me.
Filed under Poems
The Water-Carrier’s Son
If your life is a “1” out right now
When you’re dead it might be a “10,”
Like the ancient Greek guy, Thermos,
Who’s laughing his ass to death again.
Filed under Poems
Fortune and Glory
I wish I had a job
Like Indiana Jones
Where I could make good money
Examining human bones.
But Dr. Jones’s job
Is great in other ways
Like the fact he has no limit
To his paid vacation days.
I’m not an archaeologist
But a poet and musician,
And as I write I realize
I am in a position
To take endless vacation days
Like Dr. Jones would do.
“Travis T. and the Crystal Skull”
Coming soon to theatres near you.
Filed under Poems
The Splatterpainted-Red-Canvas of Poetry, Expressed Through The Mediums of Brownish Colors, [Theoretically] Edible Birds, and Leavened Grain Objects, Vol.13, AKA Sundays
Beige chicken wonder bread!
Boredom flowing through my head.
Tan turkey whole wheat toast!
Today’s a better day than most.
Brown ostriche gluten free!
That’s a day that’s right for me.
Ochre phoenix sourdough!
Now it’s time for me to go.
(Semi-related food for thought: what would happen if you ate a phoenix)?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 