I’m looking forward to eating turkey
Until I’m comatose instead of perky
And the fact that in around seven days
There will come an end to the Black Fridays.
Tag Archives: Thanksgiving
Always Room At The Table For Turkey
Today we are thankful for immigrants
Who come here to become a winner.
Without them we’d have to fly to Turkey
To have our traditional dinner.
Filed under Poems
This Is Actually True, By The Way!
Today I’m thankful for low standards,
Two-line poems, and also band nerds.
Filed under Poems
Plus A Lot More 😁
I’m grateful for puppies
That eat the whipped cream
That we spray on their paws while they sleep,
I’m grateful for holidays
That involve candy
But nowhere to be seen is a Peep,
I’m grateful for readers
Who tolerate poems
That are four lines or less when I’m tired,
And I’m grateful for days
With a built-in theme
Because I can pretend I’m inspired.
Filed under Poems
Small Blessings
Today we give thanks
For what makes us happy:
A person, a memory, a song…
If you ain’t got nothing
For which to be thankful
Be thankful this poem ain’t long.
Filed under Poems
They Don’t Call It “Premium” For Nothing
Today I give thanks
For 93-octane gas…
The kind that nobody buys;
It just sits in tanks
While people say “pass,”
But remains both potent and wise.
Filed under Poems
Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person
‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving
And all of the Bauers
Were being ungrateful
For 24 hours
For tomorrow they knew
They must put on a smile
And pretend to be happy,
At least for a while.
Then out of the sun
Did a meteor fall
And struck down the Bauers
And flattened them all.
On Thanksgiving that followed
This disaster from God
Everyone else was happy,
Which no one found odd…
Filed under Poems
Obligatory Thanksgiving Poem
Today’s the day we give our thanks
To those who made the lending banks
Who’ll help us spend the day to come
By buying stuff until we’re numb.
We’ll also eat some spuds and birds
As we exchange our thankful words,
Then look outside and see the sweet
Bright lights of Christmas across the street.
Filed under Poems
Oh, Also My Fans, Whether Or Not They Give Me Money
Today we express gratitude
For all that we enjoy.
I’m grateful I can eat a lot
Of meat instead of soy,
That I’m allowed to shoot a turkey
But can buy one at a store,
And for fuzzy fleece blankets.
That’s what I’m thankful for!
Filed under Poems
…Which Is In 52 Minutes Because Life
I’m grateful for my blessings.
I’m thankful for my friends.
My family’s a wellspring
Through which all my trouble ends.
I’ve so much joy I’ll lend it out
To those who need to borrow,
But I won’t express my gratitude;
I’m saving it for tomorrow.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 