Step one: Be God’s son
Step two: Write on stone tablets
And Step three: Prophet!
Category Archives: Poems
Euphonious Flosculinity
I verified the veracity
Of very vermillion verbs.
The fairly ferrous fairy
Ferried very hairy herbs.
Very ferrous fairies fared
Fairly unverified.
These sayings may be meaningless
But they make me smile inside.
Filed under Poems
Now I Have An Excuse Never To Run For Public Office!
Here’s to George,
The man who died,
And in so doing
Showed it’s safe outside
To gather en masse
Without pandemic fears.
May he be remembered
When the next “plague” appears!
Filed under Poems
[Insert That One Guy Here]
His heart was as big as a pop-up ad
On a movie you watch on your phone.
His mind was as big as the X in the corner
That tells it to leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
What Happens When I Get Less Than 14 Hours Of Sleep
Today I am sleepy.
Tomorrow I’m somnolent.
Many already realized
This poem won’t rhyme.
Filed under Poems
New To Alaska?
The air was full of mosquitoes
And someone gave me a spray:
“It’s called mosquito repellant
“And it keeps the bugs away.”
I put it on my body
And away went all my cares.
Now I’m going to try the spray
For repelling the bears!
Filed under Poems
See How These Things Escalate? (Pt. 3/3)
Ten minutes ago, I offended myself.
Five minutes ago, I told you.
Now I’m writing one last time
And this time it’s to scold you…
One cannot offend one’s self,
So you must be to blame!
Were it not for other people
I’d have all the wealth and fame!
To apologize for hurting me
I’ll deign to let you grovel,
To beg forgiveness long enough
To fill a Tolstoy novel.
These gifts won’t make you virtuous
Or cleanse you of your sin
But I’m oppressed for being great
So let the praise begin!
Filed under Poems
Perhaps I Overstepped? (Pt. 2/3)
Five minutes ago I published
Twelve lines of verse about
Proper ways to socialize
For those who had a doubt.
Sometimes when I do publish
Things of that ilk I see
That someone gets offended
But this time it was me.
I read my writing quickly,
The slowly read again,
Appalled by what I’d written
With my figurative pen.
I got so mad I punched myself
Then sued myself. Outrageous!
Stay six feet away from yourself;
Stupidity’s contagious!
Filed under Poems
A Primer On Common-Sense Human Interaction (Pt. 1/3)
If you say “Hi”
And get no reply
It could be no one heard you.
If you say “Hi”
And they say “Die”
It’s likely they’ve abjured you.
If you say “Hi”
And they ask “Why?”
Then now’s your time to talk,
And if, to “Hi”
They only sigh
Perhaps you’d better walk.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 