I asked, “Jerry, how do I
“Improve my upper body strength?”
He said, “A bench press
“Is a good place to start, Mark.”
I thought of his advice
And pondered it at length,
Then I grabbed my iron
And went to the city park.
I told the people and the pigeons
That they must depart,
Then I pressed into that bench
Until the steam had all but ceased.
I still have a weak torso
But Jerry said that it’s a start,
And even so I must admit
The bench looks better creased.
Filed under Poems
If you think that everything
You see on the news is true,
Pick a number from 1-10…
Filed under Poems
Hey there Trump
And hey there Biden!
Joe will be seekin’
And Don will be hidin’.
Don tuns away
And Joe starts to count…
“One, two, three-hundred-thousand
“Or something… an amount.
“Ready or not,
“Here I come.”
OMG, Don’s not hidden…
He must be dumb.
Filed under Poems
The guy at the church said,
“Convert to Christianity!”
The scientologist said,
“Convert to out insanity!”
The LDS guy said, “Convert
“Also, I’m Elder Jeff.”
Microsoft word told me,
“Just convert to .PDF”
Filed under Poems
If I had good fortune to get bit by
A radioactive beast of some kind
And gained a superpower related
Here’s what superpower comes to my mind:
I would be bitten by a human dad
Of a small child, aged between three and five
And gain power to really steal noses
From any human who is now alive.
I would wander town to town in a mask
And say, “Got your nose” to a passer-by
And see the annoyance turn to shock when
They see that what I said is real, not a lie.
Then I’d put their nose back and fly away.
I think that would really make someone’s day…
Filed under Poems
We who breathe are oft inclined
To be of less than perfect mind
And, in such state, to raise a fuss
About how fortune frowns on us
For we have all our limbs and eyes,
Have yet to meet a grim demise,
Have bellies full and blankets warm
And lives absent from grievous harm,
Have water fresh on every street
And fertile earth beneath our feet.
We fear no predatory foe,
And yet our hearts are filled with woe;
We see our neighbor’s joy and sigh,
“They have a bit more stuff than I…”
Filed under Poems
I used a hand dryer
In the public restroom
After I went to the beach.
I expected it
To dry my hands,
But it delivered a political speech.
Filed under Poems
Today, America extends a query
To test the ever-popular theory
And forever end the debate
About whether love is stronger than hate.
We’re given two men with no virtues to note
And told it’s important to go out and vote.
One choice is to vote that you love Barron’s dad,
Or else just to vote that you think “Orange Man Bad.”
As for the white guy who’ll earn half the votes
Who creeps people out and has quotable quotes…
One guy will win, half the nation will cry,
And celebrities still won’t move to Canada… sigh.
Filed under Poems
Politicians are like a bag of chips
That appear to be mostly air
But then they take the chips away
And say “You’re healthy now. See? I care!”
Filed under Poems
I’m no longer a member
Of the anime club
Because I asked Mr. Bushi
Whether Japanese mermaids
Would feel conflicted
If someone asked them to eat sushi.
Filed under Poems
