I watched her eat the popsicle
With long and sultry licks.
Her eyes met mine and so she threw
A nibble in the mix.
She slid it in and out again
‘Til it got soft and warm
And then she killed its family
And I left the women’s dorm.
Category Archives: Poems
The Soy-Bacon of Vice
This evening I realized,
While sitting in the sauna,
Some people make a living
By baking food with marijuana.
So if you are a baker
It does appear to me
You’re basically just selling weed
With a cheaper recipe…
Filed under Poems
Why Has No One Mentioned This Unsung Hero Yet? Conspiracy!
Amidst the “What the heck?s”
About kneeling for anthems and necks
One man has consistently stood tall:
That man is Neil Diamond,
Who protested against crime and
Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.
Filed under Poems
Bugging Out
There once were a fly and a flea
Who were healthy and lived in a tree,
Then they flew in a flue
And contracted the flu
And decided to, from the flue, flee.
Filed under Poems
It’s Thick Enough That The Title Goes On The Spine!
A book came in the mail for me!
I wrote it and it came!
If you act quickly then you can
Experience the same!
It’s yours to buy on Amazon
(Or elsewhere if you’re odd):
It’s cheaper than an ounce of gold
And funnier than God!
Neutral background made of the author’s sweatpants not included…
Filed under Poems
The Schmoe Has Chutzpah!
I set my piggy bank on fire
And it burned for seven days.
I threw it at the police
And they murmured their “Oy vey”s.
I watched the burning money fly
Precisely, without fail,
And thus have I invented
The Mazal Tov Cocktail.
Filed under Poems
Yay for Forethought!
So they dissolved the police force
And the officers found new jobs
As body guards for wealthy folks
Who pay with golden gobs.
Those who forced defunding
Now demand free guards for all.
I guess that the defunders
Want policemen after all!
Filed under Poems
Strong Feelings Abound
I wrote a knock-knock joke
And put it on my page
But no one wrote to ask “Who’s there?”
Thus: My impotent rage.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 