You ever wake up at nine PM
And want to write away,
But the poem that fits perfectly
I already wrote yesterday?
Category Archives: Poems
Thus The Lateness
You ever had that feeling
When you wake up at nine
And think “I’ve got work to do,
“But waiting twelve hours will be fine.”
Filed under Poems
Chess as a Model of Social Justice, or Why I’m a Stay-at-home Pawn
Some are born as Queens or Kings.
Some are born as other things.
But be you bishop, rook, or knight,
At least you’re not a pawn. Am I right?
And if, unluckily, you are a pawn
You’d best just keep on keeping on.
You’ll reach a spot where life treats you fair.
(Or, more likely, you’ll get murdered on your way there).
And if you reach that special place,
A queen or rook you may replace,
Where you are but some king’s conquest
Or else called “castle,” despite your protest.
Or perhaps you’re promoted to a knight
And never again can you move quite right.
You could be a bishop, those stoic blokes
And victims of off-color jokes.
Only one can be the king,
The chosen one, or another such thing.
So if you’re a pawn, your best bet
Is to stay still in the corner with no regret.
The happiest piece, the jolliest lord
Of the 64-square light and dark colored board
Is the piece that stays safe at home.
That’s why I no longer roam.
Filed under Poems
Pirates
Pirates are lying, violent jerks,
Three things which I deplore,
But pirates don’t write poetry,
Which makes me respect them more.
Filed under Poems
My New Motto
If at first you don’t succeed,
LOL! Sucks to be you!
If at first I don’t succeed,
You’re dreaming. I’m perfect. All this is true.
Filed under Poems
Canada
I had to walk ten city blocks
To find Café Joie.
That’s ten times the length in Washington
To find some plain coffee.
I paid a polite barista
With a blue, 20-loony bill.
The traffic lights are flashing green,
And I can buy a prescription pill.
I can calculate distances
By moving a decimal place,
And I can drive 100
Without being in a race.
It’s a different place than the USA.
Yes, Canada’s where I’ve been.
Now I publish this, just hoping
The “yanks” will let me come back in.
Filed under Poems
Nope, Not The Cat
I live a life of luxury,
Amidst my massive family.
They rub and brush my golden hair,
And I reward them with “I don’t care.”
I have three hobbies. These are they:
On your freshly vacuumed chair I lay,
Peeing on your lovely walls,
And playing with my hairy balls.
You say you love me. Who knows why?
You’ll probably outlive me (heavy sigh).
Having me is lots of fun.
Forever yours, your teenage son.
Filed under Poems
…Too Much, Apparently
Despite being a poet,
With all the hype,
I am not
The wealthy type.
I think people
Are happiest
Without what’s fastest,
Newest, best.
Buy all that changed
When I saw you,
So bright and lovely
And oh so new.
You smelled of love
I’d long forgot,
And I liked it.
I wanted it a lot.
So now I’ve approached.
In your eyes I am lost,
And so I must ask:
How much do you cost?
Filed under Poems
Apathetic Yoda
Write a haiku?
I’d like to,
But today I won’t.
Instead you
Get this… Poo.
Care about this, I don’t.
Filed under Poems
The Little Intestine Who Could
There was too much water,
At least a gallon or two.
Little intestine was struggling
To make some pee for you.
The intestine thought “I think I can.”
As it turned out, he could.
If you didn’t like this poem
Small intestine says “you should.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 