I don’t wear enough color
If you believe her.
I’d wear mauve, taupe, or beryl
If I knew what those were.
Category Archives: Poems
Fashion
I’m In Love With A Fruit
Of all the fruit varieties
The melon’s romantic life
Is the one most prone to
Tension, tears, and strife.
From the watermelon bride
Who will never be a mom
Because she was made seedless
For Harry, Dick, and Tom,
To the green-internal melon
Who tries not to be a nag
But every list is a honeydew,
Which can sort of be a drag.
If you’re a melon being married
Then you had better hope
That your partner is approved of
Because you cantaloupe.
In the life of a melon
It’s a challenge to be jolly.
Perhaps that’s why when you are sad
They call it melancholy.
Filed under Poems
On E-Commerce and Responsibility
I bought a pony on Ebay
Just to see if I could.
I shipped it via UPS air
Just to see if they would.
I let the post office guys take care of it
Figuring the work would do them good.
Even though you get away with stuff
Doesn’t mean you should.
Filed under Poems
The Money/Trees Quandary: A Contemporary discussion of the Fiscal and Sociological Impacts of Wild Currency
If money grew on trees
We’d see fewer thieves,
And we’d have a new perspective
On the growing of mint leaves.
If money grew on trees
The forests would be shining
And all the coins as foliage
Would cut back the need for mining.
If money grew on trees
Then natural selection
Would show us who new world leaders are
Before their big election.
If money grew on trees
Interest in forests would grow.
No one would buy stocks;
Their investments would really grow.
If money grew on trees
Fewer fires would start via smoker
And Casinos all would move outside
For better games of poker.
If money grew on trees
One question still remains
Which raises important fiscal concerns:
What happens when it rains?
My Life Today
Sometimes one is inspired,
When in the morning he wakes,
To do and love and move and grow
And see the change he makes.
Other times that fellow
Awakens in the afternoon instead
And he writes a silly poem
Before going back to bed.
Filed under Poems
Finding Nemo 2: The Short Story
The dogfish chased the catfish
Like a dig might chase a cat,
But then the puffer fish arrived
And, well, that was that.
Women and Weather
A ballerina and a tornado
Are alike in many ways:
Both spin all day for who knows why
And upon them most people seldom gaze.
Both can transport you to magical lands
And both look strange in a tutu
(Though the one will object to the above claim
While the other will say nothing to you).
Both can look graceful, and dangerous too,
And if to a ballerina you are betroth
Take care your betrothed has temperance
Or you may just be marrying both.
Filed under Poems
The God of Snails Endorses This Poem
The polytheistic viewpoint
Is great for lots of folks
Who offer prayers to guys upstairs
Who are decent, caring blokes.
The problem with the system
Of deities with such expertise
Is that some get stuck being “God of the duck”
While some are “God of the seas.”
I recommend an amendment
To the divine division of spheres
Wherein all divine dudes are not painted as nudes
And rule over whatever cheers (them up).
Sure we’ll have eighty-five Sun Gods
And none for dog poop or tripe,
But demographics suggest that this is what’s best
And we’d have no reason to gripe.
Filed under Poems
Answer: All Credibility
Like a polyester sunset
On a foreign moon
My tangerine and violet pants
Will make the ladies swoon.
I know I am an icon
Since I bought my puce fedora
And an indigo graphic t-shirt
About the African diaspora.
I’ve got a turquoise leather coat
And burgundy canvas shoes.
I’m going to make a statement.
What have I got to lose?
Filed under Poems
An Unintentionally Cynical Labor Day Poem
September is the season
For cutting firewood
To heat the house in Winter
And promote a higher good.
We celebrate this season
With a fancy holiday rite
To celebrate the workers
Who still have to work despite.
After that it’s back to school
Where children go to rust
And the college students follow
Because society says they must.
And then their comes my birthday,
A special day for I,
And then comes Fall and October
As one more week goes by.
So make September awesome
And make sure you don’t wear white.
Happy Labor Day to all of you
And a joyful Labor Night.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 