I don’t want to learn French,
Russian, Greek, or Spanish
‘Cause when Esperanto hits the news
Those languages will vanish
And everyone will be at peace
And speak identically,
And when they do, I’m telling you,
It’ll be a sound to see.
Category Archives: Poems
He Waited a Long Time
Filed under Poems
A Poet Has Needs
I’m the guy who has a lot;
The guy who wants for nothing
Except a rhyme for a poor setup.
Now look at me. I’m bluthing!
Filed under Poems
Meet the New Internet…
I got a satellite dish
For the internet,
But when it rains
My connection goes.
So I sit and wish
It would come back,
Wondering what happens
When it snows.
Filed under Poems
Dragon Logic
To be man with aspirations
Of power, wealth, and fame
Is just to be a failed dragon.
Here, let me explain:
A dragon spends its day
Making money and making noise
And sits in its lair in the evening
Counting billions of new toys.
If a human does the same
And becomes a zillionaire
He still won’t be a dragon.
The dragon says “so there.”
Before the Battle of Laughing Bull
I wasn’t too good at the rodeo.
The bull kicked me, so I had to stop.
No need to worry, I’ll have my revenge,
With the money I’ll make from my china shop.
Filed under Poems
A Birthday Travesty
My yearly birthday ritual
Is something to behold,
Though it’s tasteless and repugnant
I am very often told.
I start the day by flossing
For the first time in a year
For you are just what you eat
And the data’s all right here.
Then I right down my wishes
And goals for the coming year
Which flow so much more smoothly
After a quart or two of beer.
Then I take a nap
On the floor beside my couch
After which I try to do some squats
That end up as a slouch.
Then I might contact all my friends
And tell them of their flaws
Or drive to the police station
And break some petty laws,
And as no one posts my bail
Thus ends my birthday drill.
Now the year’s worst day is over.
From now on it’s all uphill.
Filed under Poems
He Avoids The Rain
The sunset cast the rain aglow
And the water burned with light.
The last flowers of Summer
And the first leaves of fall
Mingled in the rising wind
And the owl and the bluejay
Sang the first duet of the evening.
Somewhere down below
A man looks up at the harmony
And raises his umbrella.
Filed under Poems
Night and Day
Twice as many nightingales
Prefer to live diurnally
For which the dayingales will be
Cruelly mocked eternally.
They’ll never fly beneath the moon
And play a daring game
Of dodging harsh nocturnal cats.
They’ll never be Florence’s last name.
But beyond the disadvantages
Of living in the light
They don’t have to get up early
And they still get worms alright.
Filed under Poems
Overheard at the ER…
I’m not the best looking fellow.
I’ve never had a tan,
I’ve got under five pounds of muscle
And I drive a Volkswagen Van.
So I took a flight to Hawaii
To the beaches of Mauna Loa.
I got sunburned, but I found a buddy:
The enigmatic Feathered Boa.
As far as snakes go he was friendly
And he reworked my wardrobe from scratch.
He buffed me and tweezed me and did other things
That no human esthetician could match.
So thanks boss for seeing I’m different,
But I can’t comply with your request.
All my patients know that this boa’s for show
And as brain surgeons go, I’m the best.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 