Category Archives: Poems

Life and Pain

Think back to your birth, whenever that was.

You cannot remember it, so I’ll help.

You came into this world in blood, because

That’s how nature works, and you gave a yelp.

 

You were spanked by a doctor, and you cried.

Most people were suitably indifferent.

But if not for hurtful things, you’d have died.

Now I hope that, to you, life looks different.

 

Every person in your world’s a doctor.

They hurt you, and pull you from your mother.

But all of them, life to you do proctor;

Treat them not badly, but as a brother

 

Life comes in many forms to us, so smile.

Joy lasts forever, pain but for a while.

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Birthdays

Today’s my birthday.

I don’t feel like writing much.

Thus, this haiku post.

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Autumn Leaves

The trees turn gold,

The leaves turn orange.

A girl named Autumn

Walks through fields of cornge.

 

Her shoes are brown.

Her dress is silver.

She is planning a burglary.

She expects to pilfer.

 

She breaks into a farmhouse,

The queen of thieves.

She takes many treasures,

Then Autumn leaves.

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sdrawkcaB

,kcolb s’retirw evah I syad emoS

.hturt eht si tahT

,hguoht smeop tsop llits I

.htuocnu semitemos er’yeht hguohT

meop siht etirw I yadot woN

.esruoc fo, sdrawkcaB

.ti daer nac uoy epoh I

.esroh a no m’I

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What’s Missing?

‘Twas a misty night, and Watson

Accompanied by Sherlock Holmes,

Pitched their tent under the stars

And went where dreams do roams.

 

A couple hours later,

Sherlock shook his friend awake.

He said, “Watson, look above you,

And tell me what observation you can make.”

 

Watson looked above him

And saw millions of stars.

“If there’s millions of stars above us,

Maybe there are planets with life, like ours.”

 

Sherlock sighed, annoyed,

And into the woods he went.

“Where are you going?” Watson shouted.

Holmes replied, “To find our tent.”

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Serious Black

My name’s Lashawn,

And I ain’t funny.

I think animals are cute:

I have a pet bunny.

I named it rabbit,

‘Cause that’s accurate.

I don’t hit people with chairs.

Instead, in them I sit.

 

If you pick a fight with me

On a moonless Autumn night,

I’ve got a serious advantage

‘Cause I blend in with darkness (I’m not white).

I believe in doing things

Without a sense of humor.

If you don’t find this funny ’cause it’s racially insensitive,

I hope you get a tumor.

 

Word.

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Emo Wedding

I sit in a dark room, combing my hair.

I apply shadows to my eyes.

I wear a gown of vermillion, and sip the air

As to my feet I rise.

 

My nails are as red as an infants blood,

And tear drops dot the room.

I gaze at myself in the mirror.

My God, I’m a sexy groom.

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Exhaustion

You ever have that feeling where your eyes won’t stay up?

When your fingers are heavy and you can’t lift a cup?

When you feel you’ll crash any minute now,

And likely hit your face on the keyboard?  Ow!

 

I’m glad I don’t feel like tht

Cause that would make me fel like my facw went splat!

I need to slepp now, or sleep wil tak me by force.

Is this oem finsiheeeedmkkkkkkkkjgijjjjjjjjhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

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A Very Clean Poem

There once was a man who lived under a rock.

He liked to watch girls while he stroked his

 

Llama, which was small.  It had been born a runt,

And to top it all off, it had a misshapen

 

Ear,so the man talked to a vet, who said, “Tough luck.

Your llama’s deformed, and I don’t give a

 

Medicine normally for this sort of thang.

But this is a llama I would like to

 

Treat.”  And the vet left his the room and bid the man to sit.

The vet talked to his wife, then he knelt to lick her

 

Lollipop that she had frozen that morn.

Meanwhile, the llama’s owner watched some real dirty

 

Kids sit under trees, cedar and yew.

He thought “Those are children I really want to

 

Get to know better,” but decided against it.

Long story short, the llama got better, and did happily spit.

 

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The Conception of Christ

In the year of 1 B.C.

God called Gabriel.

“There’s a girl I’ve been watching, Gabe,” he said.

“In love, I fear I’ve fell.

 

“Gabe, I want her to have my child,”

But Gabe, he did protest.

“If all humans are your children,

Then isn’t this plan incest?”

 

Eventually, the angel caved,

And flew on down to Earth.

He flew into a manger,

And spoke to the woman who was to give birth.

 

“Nice place you have here Mary!”

He said, that April day.

“But do you ever tire of sleeping with this ass?”

Joseph arose, and shouted “Hey!”

 

“I’m talking about a donkey,” Gabe replied,

As he sat down on the hay-ster.

“Long story short, God want’s you pregnant.

He sent me with a turkey baster.”

 

“I will not let you do this, sir!”

Joseph shouted, getting mad-y.

“Don’t worry Joe,” Mary soothed.

“You can be the baby daddy!”

 

And nine months later, Christ was born

Inside that very manger.

If that’s not how you heard the story,

Where do you get your info, stranger?

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