Category Archives: To the Reader

Annie

Let me tell you about Annie.
You may have seen her
Trampling the sidewalk
With her scuffed desert boots
And leathery, oil-stained blue jeans.

She has flour in her short blue hair
And a raisin in her blazer pocket,
Unnoticed mementos
Of her time in the kitchen
Trying to act like a woman.

She doesn’t walk, but charges lithely.
Her whispers are orations
To those near enough to hear,
Close enough to understand,
And willing enough to listen.

Annie heeds the winds of change
By standing still, her face pummeled,
Unable to breathe
Until the winds die down
And she smiles too broadly in victory.

Annie is beauty. Annie is strength.
Annie is a poet.
She is standing behind me
Making me publish this
Or else suffer to eat her baking.

Please be Annie’s friend.

Please.

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I’m Thankful for Obligatory Topics

I’m thankful that the turkey
On my table is dead
And that at ten A.M
I can write poems in bed.

I’m thankful that if my poem
On Thanksgiving isn’t great
I won’t be washed away
By a necrotic wave of hate.

I’m thankful that necrotic waves
Are very rare occurrences
And that I’ve found employment
Selling life and health assurances.

I’m thankful to be dealt a hand
Of aces. Just the same
I’m glad I’ve got the self-control
To just avoid the game.

I’m thankful for soft blankets,
The ability to play,
And Naoko Takeuchi,
But not “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Finally, I’m thankful for
My readers (that means you)!
Happy Thanksgiving from the States,
And don’t forget to chew.

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Comparison

My quest to write one poem a day
Can really be looked at in this way:
Once per day I really need
One good idea as a seed,

And yet I crank out poems like this,
And some will hit while others miss.
Then I look at Hollywood
And my ideas seem pretty good.

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A Polite Discussion

Words that end in “arrhea”
Good content do not make,
So I won’t discuss them he-ah
For you, the reader’s, sake.

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Aftermath

Today’s November first,
Which is National Candy Day.
You celebrate it by getting sick
And throwing your diet away.

You’ve tasted the rainbow plenty,
And if your pee isn’t purple yet
You can drive down to the grocer
For surplus, cheap as shet.

Today you do not feel guilt.
Just ignore the nausea,
Because capitalism depends on you
And post-costume nostalgia.

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Sorry for Welcoming You

Whenever that old writer’s block
Come upon my head to knock
You get a poem like yesterday’s
“You’re Welcome.”

After which poetic guilt
Covers me like the Nile’s silt
And I feel like I need to raise
Some Hell-come.

So I wrote this poem today
In my un-artistic way
To compensate for the shortness of
“You’re Welcome”

By challenging my self
(Though I didn’t do very welf)
By rhyming every ending line
With “Welcome.”

The Daily Travesty published one “poem” every day.
Tune in tomorrow for the poem,
“I’m sorry for apologizing, and this time I rhyme with ‘orange.'”

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Raise the Corners

Just because you can
Doesn’t mean you should.
Sometimes a bit of faking it
Will lead to something good.

Take football for instance,
Fourth down and five to go.
Sure, you can punt the ball,
But it makes a lousy show.

Likewise, if with your partner
You’re perfectly free to
Wear those dirty sweatpants, but
Why not show the very best you?

So run the ball and dress the part,
And let the record show
That it’s the corners of your mouth
That show far you can go.

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Major Announcement

Hello dear readers, and dear writers too.

Boy do I have some big news for you!

Though this blog does fill my heart

And satisfy my passion for mediocre art,

I’ve decided to take it one step more.

Here is what I have in store:

 

I call it the Quarterly Travesty,

A publication made by me

That features works of comic strife

That infiltrates everyday life.

 

The Quarterly Travesty will debut

In September. Now, what’s in it for you:

I’m looking for writers to submit

Your comic creations, and I’ll publish it.

(This is subject to some conditions,

But you probably had such premonitions).

 

So if you’ve got a poem or two,

A bit of short fiction, comic strip, or cartoo’,

A letter, a joke, or whatever’s funny

That you want to see published, just send it to me.

 

For those whose comic preferences head

Not towards creation, but to reading instead

I’ll be publishing updates about the e-zine

Right here on the blog, Where it’s sure to be seen.

Please leave your feedback and what you’d like to see.

Your opinions are very important to me.

 

Thanks all for reading. You guys are the bomb!

(Send your stuff to thedailytravesty@yahoo.com)

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The Miracles of Modern Medicine

I started out with aspirin
To dull some of the pain,
Then NyQuil, DayQuil, and vitamin C
To make the sickness wane.

Then I tried garlic, cloves and sage,
Parsley, rosemary, and thyme.
I danced in the rain and howled
And put coconut into my lime.

At the start of the fifth day
A unicorn brought me viagra
And a bottle of water that, I was told,
Came straight from the falls of Niagara.

I hope I feel much better.
I deserve it, Heaven knows.
On the other hand, if I should die
I’ll never decompose.

(Thanks for bearing with me through all of the sickness poems. I want them to stop just as much as you).

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In Sickness and in Health

I made a commitment
To this poetical quest
That each day, rain or shine
Something rhyming would be pressed.

And so as I lie
Awash in my phlegm*
I write you this limerick,
Though it is not a gem:

There once was a very sick poet
Whose nose needed someone to blow it.
He searched for a tissue
But found none. What an issue!
Finally he chose to Costco it.

*I apologize for the image. Be thankful it wasn’t a photo.

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