Tag Archives: Hollywood

Horror Movies

Steve wanted to scare me

So he said “Guess what’s groovy?

“In ten years they’ll probably

“Make Jenga: The Movie.”

I wanted revenge,

To give Steve what was due,

So I said, “In twelve years

“They might make Jenga 2.”

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A Hollywood Musical

Hollywood!

(It’s so darn good)

Oh yes, oh yes, I say.

Hollywood!

(Land of falsehood)

Oh yes, oh yes.

Where what’s important aren’t the facts unless they fit into three acts.

The place where fiction goes to diiiiiieeeeeeee!

Where it’s okay to have no story. CGI can bring you glory.

So can manly men who cryyyyyyyyyyyy!

Hollywood!

(Our favorite wood)

Oh yes, oh yes.

They’ve done all they could

(More than they should)

Oh yes, oh yes,

To guarantee that you and me will pay hard-earned money to see

A bunch of actors green-screen flyyyyyyy!

Where shirtless six-packed men are common working at Starbucks, eating ramen

Hoping to be a leading guuuyyyyyyyyyy!

You can’t stop Hollywood!

(Long has it stood!)

Oh no, oh not Hollywood!

(What else rhymes with “wood?”)

Nothing I guess…

And if you’ve ever read the book at adaptations do not look

Because you know they’ll only break your heart in twooooooooooo!

And if derivative plotlines can’t send those shivers up your spines

Well, don’t expect the Fox execs to say boo hoooooooooooo!

They gave you big robotic brawlers

And already have your dollars

So why not make Skywalker say “screw yoooouuuuuuuuu?

So if you’re inclined to feel

You don’t want to keep it real

Then come to Hoooooooo

Llllyyyyyyyyyyyy

Woooooooooooooood….

(Dramatic pause)

Toooooooooooooooooo

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

(Olay!)

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Filed under Poems, Songs

If Five Meaningful Episodes Is Too Much You Could Write A Sitcom Instead

As far as I can tell

All you need to do well

As a writer for TV

Is to write a detective show

Where your always-brilliant lead

Has some flaw or special need

That makes them an outsider

With a mono-syllabic name.

Then add someone to kiss

And a grand nemesis

That might, perhaps, be

More brilliant than they.

You need only in joint

Write five episodes with a point,

Then 17 worth of filler

And you’re on your way!

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Rodin’s “The Age Of Bronze” Talks About His Career Change

I am a person made of bronze,

Carved from orangish metal.

My body looks so human

But I’m closer to a kettle.

I’ll never move, I’ll never speak,

I’ll never love or feel.

I’ll never be a human,

But I’m absolutely real.

I’ll never learn of math or art.
I’ll never know a fact.

I’ll have no skills in anything,

So I guess I’ll have to act.

My body’s perfect, ageless, strong

Although I can’t be dumber

And thus I’ve come to Hollywood,

Renamed “The Up-And-Comer.”

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Forrest Gump 2: Lost In New York

Life is like a box of chocolates:

It costs money and makes you fat.

Most people enjoy it as it kills them slowly.

Yeah, life’s a lot like that.

But it doesn’t have to be:

We can smile and and act as equals

Starting with something on which we all agree,

Specifically that most movies don’t need sequels.

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Comparison

My quest to write one poem a day
Can really be looked at in this way:
Once per day I really need
One good idea as a seed,

And yet I crank out poems like this,
And some will hit while others miss.
Then I look at Hollywood
And my ideas seem pretty good.

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Filed under Poems, To the Reader

Why Not, Hollywood?

I haven’t seen
“Twelve Years a Slave,”
Though I’ve lived the story
In my own ways.

For eleven years
And eleven days
I labored in fields,
Harvesting hays.

But I guess they’ve no interest
In a dude
Who did eleven years
Of indentured servitude.

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