I don’t believe in giving the government
Unlimited power to spend
Because what if they give
Drum sets to all who live?
See how badly all this could end?
Tag Archives: America
Fine Print Matters
I signed up for a credit card
And I’m going to be rich.
See, the card has special privileges
That’s almost like a glitch:
Every time you spend with it
You get a hundred loyalty bucks
That you can trade for fancy stuff
Like jewelry or Chucks.
Update: It’s been seven months.
I have a billion bucks, and I
Am being tracked by debt collectors
And I need to cry.
It turns out that a billion bucks
Translates to about a dime
And there’s something called an “interest”
That grows a lot with time.
Update: Now my stuff is gone
And I live on the street
With somebody named “Pickle Jim”
And also “Fentanyl Pete.”
I guess the whole “free money” thing
Made me spend a bit too hard
But at least I could exchange my points
For a Visa prepaid card!
Filed under Poems
In One Ear And Out The Same Ear
If I ever try to be president
I’ll be a republican household name
Because if the other sise doesn’t like me
They don’t know how to aim.
Filed under Poems
Heaven Forbid!
I’m sensing some commonplace themes
That is fear of fascist regimes
Where government’s shrinking
And people start thinking
And grocery receipts don’t cause screams
Filed under Poems
For Reference, The Question Was “Why Do You Need To Visit Congress”
There once was a venomous fly
That, with one touch, could make a man die.
It’s untraceable and yellow.
I’ll release it, dear fellow,
And that is my whole answer why.
Filed under Poems
Murica
‘Twas the Fifth of July
And all through the room
People were sleepy
From lots of boom boom.
But we can take solace
As tinnitus lingers:
The worst of our neighbors
Now have but nine fingers.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than Status Quo
What if, instead of an election,
We had a Mr. Beast style event
Where we rented a hall full of obstacles
And made every potential president
Stay in the room with the challenge
To be the first one to tell us the truth.
I think that’s an alternate system
That would better engage with the youth.
Filed under Poems
Debate Limerick, 2024
There once was a were roses were blue
Or they were red, but they can be that too
And they went oh gone by the thing
And the… he’s a bad flower and I’m king
And we beat medicare and covid is a jew.
Filed under Poems
Am I Sexy And Dangerous Now?
Roses are red.
Vegans are pale.
When they read my blog in 10 years
They’ll probably put me in jail.
Filed under Poems
What Do You Mean We Have Weird Books In Our School Libraries?
Meet Vlad.
Vlad is sad.
Vlad thinks climate change is bad.
Vlad cannot cite sources? Woah!
But xe’s doing xir best though.
Vlad knows that to stop the pain
Of having marginally less rain
Because of heat that cow fart brings
Means having to do some painful things.
Vlad helps Earth by blocking cars
And hanging flyers up at bars.
Xe spray paints slogans over art
And lives out of a shopping cart.
Xe knows capitalism is bad.
And so is having a present dad.
Be like Vlad and we’ll show you lenience:
The climate depends on your inconvenience.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 