Many, many years ago…
Five, to be exact,
The world became quite marginally
More worser. That’s a fact!
‘Cause many, many five years prior
To the day you read this crap
Was the day I quit my arson hobby
And downloaded the WordPress app.
Many days of wonder,
Days of beauty, truth, and vision
Never came to pass
Thanks to my poem-a-day decision,
So celebrate what could have been
Where it not for me,
And happy 1,400th post
Dear Daily Travesty!
Filed under Poems
Imagine a street,
Dark and quiet.
Something moves
But you can’t quite spy it…
Dissonant soundtrack
Fades to naught
And from the dark…
GIANT SATANIC CLOWN ROBOT!!!
Yeah… jump scare loses something…
Filed under Poems
I was traveling in Delhi
When I noticed something smelly,
A lentil dish I didn’t want at all.
I asked “what’s that?” They said
“That’s for punishment,”
And explained to me the dish was vudu dahl.
Filed under Poems
I watch you smile
In your sleep.
What secrets do
Your dreams so keep?
Will the joyfulness
Your rest bestowed
Remain when you see
Your car’s been towed?
Filed under Poems
You know that thing
Where everything’s
Like dude and stuff’s like whoa?
Well today was that
But like yo and stuff.
How did your day go?
Filed under Poems
I reserved us a table
At Chez Fantastique,
Unparalleled class,
Unquestionably chic.
I wanted to give
Only the best to you,
But alas with me
Guess a dinner will do.
Filed under Poems
I think April Fool’s Day
Is a fantastic plan.
What better month than April
To celebrate the average man?
Filed under Poems
While in the misty sunrise
The cooing birds
Smile like butterflies
So I made weak
By trickling hearts
Dot my i’s
With scarlet
Just kidding
I dot them in green
Filed under Poems
Mighty is the sword
And mighty is the pen:
If both of these are true
It’s safe to conclude then
The mightiest tool of all
Is the one and only Swordpen.
It writes with the blood
Of those it slays.
It’s Swordpenned many novels
And poems and plays.
It’s the only writing implement
With a crossguard I know.
It’s good with the ladies.
It’s middle name is “Bro.”
I wish I had a Swordpen.
It would be a cool thing to own.
Alas, the only swordpen
Is stuck in a Pencilstone.
Filed under Poems
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
I pointed towards the woods
And they set out to find it
And claim its electric goods.
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
And went off to the forest.
Now I picture them and laugh
‘Cause me they must abhorest.
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
I pointed to the oaks,
The tow’ring cedar, stalwart maple,
Not intending it as a hoax.
They asked me “where’s the power plant?”
I pictured a mighty tree
Because a hundred feet of hardwood
Is a powerful plant to me.
The Daily Travesty 