Tag Archives: California

A Brief History of the Gold Rush

Back in the wee days of US of A

Some guys went a digging and one shouted “Hey!”

“I found me some gold!” “Oy, I found some too!”

Then guess what everyone wanted to do?

And so people came from all over the planet

To dig through the dirt and, with their eyes, scan it

For speckles and nuggets and loose bits of gold,

And some were successful, or so I’ve been told.

Now as the prospectors from far and near both

Were digging up gold, a woman did quoth:

“The men are all leaving to get rich or die,

“And thus we will join them because… you know why.”

And so California became quite the haven

For men who, for gold in the rivers, were slavin’.

Most folks were strike-outers, but some lucky strike-biggers

Wed the first Frisco lasses, the real gold-diggers.

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And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter

California made it illegal

To discriminate based on hairstyle.

This is one of the greatest things

I’ve heard in quite a while

Because, based on liberal input,

I know that all white people are racist

And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy

For cutting my hair on that basis:

It’s illegal to bias one’s choices

For traditional hairstyles of race

Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros

And because this is the case

I can shave my head to spell letters,

Specifically “I disagree.”

Now watch as the left calls me Hitler

And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”

Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂

Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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A Song For All Seasons

The hills are alive

With the sound of music

And by “Sound of Music”

We mean wildfires

And by “The hills”

We mean California.

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California, Son

I wish I could go to the beach

Without hearing the word “impeach,”

Could drive my car for quite a while

And go more than a half a mile,

Could say the word “black”

And not draw stares.

It’s where everything matters

But nobody cares.

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Impression: Los Angeles

I stood out here once before

Seeking what could not be found

Head to toe in the neon cloak of midnight

Listening for the absence of a sound.

I saw humans crawl past empty sidewalks

Burning gas and paying fares

On the way to work that will empower them

To buy their surplus worries and cares.

They seek comfort in a glasses, pills, and needles,

Pray for hope through a politician’s lies.

Paychecks promise them the satisfaction

Of being happy in someone else’s eyes.

Red-eye pilots flee this urban heaven

Carrying those with sense enough to flee.

I just read my scripts and idly wonder

What it’s like to see a real tree.

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I’m Off To The Wild West… California!

When I was a little bitty boy

So young it was okay to be strange

I wanted to be a cowboy

And ride the wide-open range.

My best friends would be a stallion,

My rifle, and my hat.

Needless to say as I grew up

My life diverged from that.

I play cards at the old saloon

When my work’s done for the week.

I drive a sleek black mustang

And I’m sometimes known to wreak.

I may sit behind a desk

Playing quick-draw with my phone

But I really just want to saddle up,

Ride off, and be alone.

A few things stand between me

And the life I’m meant to lead.

In the Chicago city limits

I can’t buy a proper steed.

I look quite like a bad boy

So the ladies are all smiles and purrs

But they never die at the end of the episode

And they object when I wear my spurs.

In my heart I am a cowboy.

I dress and talk like one

And, thanks to the permit office,

I can own my own six-gun.

It has to be locked up

Separately from the ammunition.

But tomorrow I’m moving West

To fulfill my grand ambition.

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California Logic

If at first you don’t succeed

You’ve no choice but to secede.

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