There once was a hand made of goo
That up at the ceiling you threw.
Then it would go “plop”
And eventually drop
And then you’d repeat that. Woo hoo!
Tag Archives: Happiness
Three Strikes? You’re In!
I tried out for the baseball team
And struck out three times in a row.
Then I went to the bar for a bit
And struck out with somebody’s hoe.
I may not be a first baseman
Nor a lady’s man, but I won’t cry.
Sometimes the universe just has to say
“Why don’t you give bowling a try?”
Filed under Poems
Realistic Goals
Tomorrow’s the day I’ll do everything
And be the best version of me.
I’ll accomplish my dreams and be happy
And authentically awesome to see.
I’ll shoot for the moon and I’ll hit it!
I’ll inspire the brave and the true!
But today I’ve reserved to be average
And embody “I’m fine, how are you”.
Filed under Poems
Optimists
When life gives you lemons
You can politely decline,
Explaining “No thanks, I don’t like lemons”
And life will be like “Fine.”
Filed under Poems
More Is Better
“Would you like to sit at the table”
My mother asked, her voice sour.
“I’m good” I replied, my voice filled with pride
As I stared down at her from my tower.
Filed under Poems
My Foreign Policy Platform
I think instead of buying tanks
We should hire children
To run around with pool noodles
And speak in Italian to people
Who are unhappy
Because America deserves happiness
And we have to spend $33 trillion on something.
Filed under Poems
Lessons in Fine Dining
Life’s like an Oreo cookie:
The start and the end are both crappy
But the more stuff you put in the middle
The more likely you are to be happy!
Filed under Poems
On The Bright Side, My Nickname Is “Hips” Now
Sometimes all it takes
To make somebody’s day
Is to flash a cheerful smile
And whisper “Hip hip hooray!”
I tried it out this afternoon
And the data that I got was this:
Prison is not a good place to test
A cheerfulness hypothesis.
Filed under Poems
Privacy Would Be Preferred Tonight
There once was a Valentine’s Day
When I wasn’t alone (it’s today)
But I lacked the foresight
To post a poem before tonight
So here you go. Now go away!
Filed under Poems
You Turn My Struggles Into Snuggles
Fuzzy blanket, blue as the sky,
Upon the couch on which I lie,
You’re soft and warm upon my skin
And where you end does the world begin,
And so I huddle ‘neath your sheet
To keep the warmth and trap the heat
Until the dawn, so cruel and bright,
Will slay the peaceful starry night.
Fuzzy blanket from Bass Pro Shops,
You’re where my imaginary foe stops,.
My bastion from a lukewarm room,
You cast away the stagnant gloom.
Eight feet long and six feet wide
You hold me tight, wrap me inside.
All I love more than your pale blue
Is that you’re big enough for two.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 