Today I tried to do nothing.
I stayed in bed all day.
I didn’t eat or drink or poop
Or breathe or sweat or pray.
I avoided salivating
And I didn’t leave my room.
I didn’t shower so my odor
Now surrounds me in a plume.
I didn’t read or watch TV.
I didn’t surf the net.
I did not look out the window
And I didn’t feed my pet.
I neglected all life’s naggings
And engaged in nary a vice
And if tomorrow’s snowy also,
Well, I just might do it twice!
Filed under Poems
A picture is worth a thousand words…
I’m sure there’s a poem there.
Normally I’d be lazy and post a picture
But tonight even that much I don’t care.
Filed under Poems
PENNSBVWJDIKVKRBWBQKDOKVKVEBVRBRHFYCYALQBDBNZMCJRKRLFPCKNCNSNDKOFPELABXJOFPRPWNDBJCIFOEPWNXJCOOFKEKFKDNBRBFNJCJCJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ…
On a sandwich.
Filed under Poems
Don’t send her a breakup text
Next time your love’s in doubt.
Instead you take her to the gym
To show her how you’re not working out.
Filed under Poems
It seems when I awake
With the rooster’s joyful call
Then I approach the day
Knowing I can conquer all
But when I awake
With the sound of my own snoring
I can leave the conquering to you.
I like my life more boring.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes I get tired of writing crap
So I write something lovely instead.
Tonight is not one of those times.
Now I’m done and I’m going to bed.
Filed under Poems
I’vr* written a lot of bad poems this year,
And this one may be the worst.
It might be good. It might be bad.
I wrote the title first.
*I did notice this typo.
As is my nature, I fixed it.
Then I decidrd** it fit with the theme.
As for my correction… I nixed it.
**This one was completely intentional. Sue me.***
***If you seriously considered this, keep in mind Poetry is a major portion of my income.
Filed under Poems
#ThatMomentYouMustWritePoems
#ButWriteHashtagsInstead
#CauseItsThreeOClockOnSaturday
#AndYou’reStillHappilyInBed
Filed under Poems
You ever had that feeling
When you wake up at nine
And think “I’ve got work to do,
“But waiting twelve hours will be fine.”
Filed under Poems
Sometimes dogs are happy.
Sometimes dogs are sad.
You wanted a clever poem?
Well today, that’s just too bad.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 