Tag Archives: Music

Before They Were Famous

He may seem like a regular guy

But there’s something you don’t know:

There’s a secret god of rock and roll

Inside this Average Joe.

He can make a room of peasants dance

And blow the roof off nightly

But he also has to pay the bills

To not appear unsightly.

He’s a part-time rockstar with a full-time job,

An overdriven ax and a name tag (“Bob”).

He’s bohemian, rhapsodic, and his stairway to heaven

Just happens to start at the 7/11.

So next time you go out to purchase a slurpee

Just know that the guy who you pay

Might just be the someone you blast as you’re driving,

A new-age Bon Jovi someday,

And know that berating him ‘cause your burrito

Is stale is annoying and wrong

And he’ll write down your name so when he finds fame

Your behavior will be a hit song.

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This Was The Song That Like Literally Defined My Childhood, You Know?

My car

Your dad

His car

My bad

It’s just

A flesh wound

New paint?

I’m doomed!

I’m coming to terms with what I just did

‘Cause I’m just a punk music 2000’s kid!

Hey dude

We’re good

I’m white

But I say “hood”

I can’t

Sing well

That’s why

I yell

All the songs I sing sound like Green Day did

‘Cause that’s the dream of every punk 2000’s kid!

(Nana na na… nana na, na, nana nana na) x9

…2000’s kid!

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If It Works For Shakespeare, Why Not Rock?

We have so many electric guitars

And so many chimps in the zoo

And yet humankind

Has not had the mind

To try out combining the two…

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But Where Do Beans And Maracas Factor In?

What if the key to all great things

Is eating rice and learning piano?

That’s why the asians are kicking our butts

And historically life’s been so-so?

What if, on the other hand, music and rice

Are a poison that slows down the mind

And they’re all that’s between Kwon-Jun

And leaving the rest of humanity behind?

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Talent Shows

Bands will play their marches

And choirs sing their hymns

And jazzers swing their two-five-ones

And rockers take their stims

And orchestras will pizzicato

While dancers strike a pose

But what you just did on that stage

Managed to be none of those…

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Road Trip With The Toddler

I am a goose

I like to honk

I am a goose

I like to honk

I am a goose

I like to honk honk honk

I am a mom

I want to die

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Classical Music

You’re here to see a concert

And the first piece we will play

Is the thanking of the sponsors,

For although you had to pay

A decent sum of money

To come see our group perform

Without our corporate overlords

We’d not be able to form.

Thank you to the money guys

Who like this older stuff.

Now please prepare to give a hand

For another half an hour of fluff…

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Genre-Dependent

Music is the universal language.

It can communicate to anyone at all

Things like “I have bad taste in music”

And “Girl, hop in! We’re going to the mall!”

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And With That, The Silence Ended

Tomorrow is Christmas eve

And today’s the 16th day of Chanukah.

I am six years old today

And you bought me a harmonica!

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Mrs. Snyder Was Right

I know I shouldn’t have walked alone

Through the parking garage at night,

Especially when it’s very dark

And I am very white.

Some hoodlums did assail me

And called “Hands in the air!”

But I did not not obey them

And instead without a care

Reached deep inside my jacket

Where I keep my alto recorder

And I played the G Major scale

To restore the law and order.

And so the hoodlums left me

And I drove home just fine.

That’s why you pay attention in school.

Now what’s the log (base ten) of nine?

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