Tag Archives: Pirates

Pirate Movies > Pirate Guns

As television became popular

Cannon deaths at sea have decreased

So I will continue to watch TV

And be grateful that I’m not deceased.

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Not Saying Santa Advocates Piracy, But…

Jingle bells on a reindeer’s chest

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

A long night ahead with not much rest

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

The elves made toys

For good girls and boys

But what the kids today enjoy’s

An iThingy

In 4k HD

With a USB

And a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

Nine deer flew but just six came back

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

Three collapsed ‘neath the Chinese sack

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

Chimneyless homes

With their bulletproof domes

Are wherever he roams

Gluten free cookie lasses

Left him soy milk glasses

Which make him pass gasses

So a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

Fifteen elves still employed at best

Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

Xi Jinping gone outsourced the rest

So its ho ho ho and a bottle of rum

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A Most Violet Shanty (Not A Typo)

Legend says upon the sea

Beneath the skull and bones

A tiny man with whose skin is tan

With a beard of violet tones

Command a stalwart legion

Or pirates, hard as granite

Who seek to steal from those in teal,

Themselves in pomegranate.

There’s never been a pirate captain

So dreaded to be seen

As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man

Called Captain Aubergine…

Some once called him a dandy man

And some called him a fop,

And that soon lead to many a head

Who’s rollings’ are yet to stop.

And there he’ll stand with sword in hand

And beard the brightest plum

And calls the rat to ladies that

For booty he had come!

There’s never been a pirate captain

So dreaded to be seen

As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man

Called Captain Aubergine…

When on the seas, the frigates fled

When purple sails were seen

For not a sailor, cook, or whaler

Fights with Aubergine.

They knew beneath that gold fedora

A brutal brain belongs,

But none escape pillage and rape

Nor his K-Pop pirate songs!

There’s never been a pirate captain

So dreaded to be seen

As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man

Called Captain Aubergine…

And when the Violet Virgin docked

(As the captain’s ship was called)

The folks in port were naught but sport

For the pirates so ribald.

They stole the bread and beans and rice

And even the polenta,

For nothing stops the pirate fops

Bedecked in their magenta!

There’s never been a pirate captain

So dreaded to be seen

As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man

Called Captain Aubergine…

‘Til finally one fateful night

‘Neath a sunset, heliotrope

A treasure trove in vibrant mauve

With scalawags did elope

And Aubergine was satisfied

And sailed off, drinking wine

To somewhere worse, where grass is perse

And the sky’s amaranthine!

There’s never been a pirate captain

So dreaded to be seen

As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man

Called Captain Aubergine…

At least that’s how the tale’s told now

Of Captain Aubergine…

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Filed under Lyrics, Poems

Harrr Harrr Harrr…

I found myself marooned

Off the coast of Kansas (somehow)

And saw another pirate was near.

He was selling corn

So I asked about the price.

He said “You’ll only pay a buccaneer.”

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Geographically Limited

I wish I had a pirate ship

To show off to my neighbors,

To terrorize the waterways

And make legends of my labors.

I’d earn the love of ladies fair

And earn the lawmen’s hate.

Yes, I’d be the best damn pirate

In Arizona state.

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Pirates

Pirates are lying, violent jerks,

Three things which I deplore,

But pirates don’t write poetry,

Which makes me respect them more.

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The Voyage of “Hell’s Modesty”

The jolly roger flails
In the stormy winter breeze
Above a deck of scalawags
Afloat upon the seas.

The crew is cruel and vile,
Culled from horrors of the night,
Which would be very normal
If their captain weren’t polite.

He’ll pull aside a merchant ship.
His cannons towards it swivel.
He shouts, “Please share your vittles
“So we may all be civil.”

Perhaps his victims do suspect
He’s playing with their minds,
But his motto is “Just be yourself
“And the looting works out fine.”

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Arr, ye Sol Ti Do!

Ray’s cow chewed her cud
Amidst the mud,
While Ray looked on with wonder.
While I, Captain Jack
Snuck round the back.
Their farm I sought to plunder.

Alas Ray raised
A herd of deer
To guard his home from a pirate.
That’s the ballad
of Doe, Ray, and Me
And it makes me feel irate!

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