If you could just close your mouths
And let your feet be still
Your mind would find a sense of peace
And overflow with skill.
If you could keep your eyes on me
And your hands to yourself
You’d find your time so much more free
And your talent upper shelf.
If you could focus for a blink
And persevere a while
You’d all be smarter than you think
And make a teacher smile.
And yet as you deny these things
I’m please to end a day
When you can do a two-plus-two
And know that biting’s not ok.
Filed under Poems
Event people nationwide
I humbly implore you:
If you have a craft fair
You should have a gun show too
So mom can get a crocheted scarf
And dad a .22
Filed under Poems
In my day, our violent games
Were about shooting guys and taking names.
Now you skydive, camp, and swim
And randomly change from her to him,
Running from a big pink cloud
And avoiding things that are scary or loud.
When I was young, you daren’t mess up
But now I guess we get to dress up?
Filed under Poems
Lights are flickering.
Dire rain and wind give me
An excuse to post…
Filed under Poems
Today I taught a first-grade class
And of the 18 kids
Six were joys, six were invisible,
And six blew off their lids.
So one of three will be successful
And one in three will be cute
And one in three do nothing, but loudly
Which is just who the Feds will recruit.
Filed under Poems
Some people want no kings
But I don’t think that’s proper
‘Cause when I feel hungry
I want to eat a Whopper.
I like Californian sports teams
And extra-roomy beds,
Good poker hands and Aragorn
And Starks who are also Neds.
A bunch of schools will have to change
Their mascots. Other things
Will cause unexpected results
If we really have no kings.
Filed under Poems
The upside of the “6-7” trend
Is that it may show the unheralded end
Of kids saying “420-69”
Which makes me feel better than fine.
Filed under Poems
Thanks to a heroic protest
With an anti-monarchical request
I’m happy to say
That as of today
No kings have, our freedom, transgressed.
Filed under Poems
If you ask my pronouns
I’ll answer with a smile.
If you tell me yours
I’ll sprint at least a mile.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 