Cooking bacon
Is like installing updates
On a computer
With too little RAM:
It’s seems to take hours
And it spits oil at you
All to make you get fatter,
But when it’s done… Dayum!
Tag Archives: Poetry
J-Pop Songs
They could be singing
Of murdering puppies
Or of the great pleasure
Of wringing your neck.
They could even be singing
“Go Panthers go!”
But sing in Japanese
And it’s catchy as heck.
Filed under Poems
And Then There Were Eleven Men Again
I’ve no fondness for New England.
Denver’s nice, I guess.
Cardinals aren’t my favorite birds.
Alas, I must confess
I’ve reached a decisive time:
I’ve stopped seeking out answers.
I’ve abandoned all reason and rhyme.
I just pray for the defeat of the Panthers.
Filed under Poems
Life is like…
Life is like a game
Of charades
In which people can talk
And watch parades
And have to make money
Or they’ll starve to death
And nobody actually cares
What people are trying to communicate,
Kind of like life.
And It Was Glorious!
You’ve got Candy Crush,
Farmville, Minecraft,
Plants vs. Zombies,
And the TV show “Shaft.”
You’ve got Halo 1-6
And Super Smash Bros Brawl.
As a lad, all I had
Was Space Cadet Pinball.
Filed under Poems
For When The Superhero Fad Ends
Poems have existed
Since the dawn of history,
Yet they aren’t turned into movies.
Why not? That’s a mystery.
I have an idea
If you’re a Hollywood guy.
Make a poem into a movie,
Remove the clothes, and add CGI.
Lawn Decorations
If I could buy a flower
For everybody bland
I’d buy dandelions.
That’s what happened to your land.
Filed under Poems
Networking for Psychos
I’m a fan of gatherings
Like a conference or a fest
Where people with shared interests
Can do what they do best.
I suggest a conference
For wannabe school shooters
Where they can get some practice.
Also welcome: thieves and looters.
Filed under Poems
The Bathrooms Are Clean In Seattle
There was moisture on
The toilet seat.
Somebody had to
Take the heat
For failing to properly
Aim their piss.
We blamed the Minnesotan,
‘Cause when it counts, they miss.
