Free college is nice
But some don’t want it.
Free healthcare is grand
But some people taunt it.
If we want to please
The entire USA
Pass a law that makes
Every day Saturday!
Tag Archives: Politics
Feel Free To Add More!
If America falls into a second civil war
And you live in a republican town
It’s smart to hide in the welfare office
‘Cause that’s one place the Dems won’t burn down.
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If America falls into a second civil war
And you live in a democratic city
You’ll get shot alright
But if you’re not white
No one will say anything that makes you feel shitty.
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If America falls into a second civil war
And California is wiped off the map
The quality of films will go through the roof
As long as you like that Japanese crap.
Filed under Poems
My 2020 Endorsement
When I was a kid
I saw a film that changed my life
About a team of athletes
Who were suffering from strife.
They were not good at basketball
So they hired a dog to play.
If a dog can win a championship
Why not elect it, eh?
Filed under Poems
Watching the Debates
What you need to know about ducks
Is not as important as the fact
That every day a million fish
Are, by some birds, attacked.
Those fish cannot defend themselves
Against these violent birds
And it’s time for us to take a stand
And learn to use our words.
When I held political office
In a non-avian related capacity
I realized that my constituents
Viewed me as a guy with some sagacity.
Because of that, I make my case
That fish deserve love too
So vote for me in 2020
And also ducks. Thank you!
Filed under Poems
NASCAR as a Political Metaphor
The Right
NASCAR is America’s favorite sport,
And know I think I know why:
They keep turning left over and over
Until they crash, burn, and die.
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The Left
NASCAR is America’s sport,
But the first guy does not understand:
If the drivers do not turn left fast enough
The kill random folks in the stands.
————————————————————
The Highly Intelligent
NASCAR is America’s sport,
But I prefer monster trucks.
At least we agree on the important stuff,
Which is to agree soccer sucks.
Filed under Poems
Back Me Up, Caitlyn
I don’t call you “sir” ’cause I hate you.
I don’t call you “ma’am” to be a bigot.
I use words 99.4 percent of people
Will prefer to be called. Can you dig it?
Filed under Poems
Sorry Europe, South America, And Basically Everywhere Else, But You Have Terrible Taste
There’s an argument in the USA
About soccer teams and equal pay
‘Cause men got paid more overall
Despite the women winning all the way.
The other side of this tirade
Says the male players are underpaid
Because the revenue their team produced
Was 55 times more than the women’s team made.
Now how revenue or standings weigh
On the importance scale I can’t say.
The real question is, in 2019,
Why won’t this stupid sport just go away?
When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…
“Everyone loves our movies”
Said the Disney corporation
As they embarked on making
Their next live-action adaptation.
“The only problem I can see”
Said a modern movie buff
“Is that your previous films
“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”
And so the Disney corporation
Began to turn away
Anyone who wasn’t brown
Or female or gay.
Now the Disney corporation
Isn’t evil, FYI
Despite their CEO Bob Iger
Being an old cis-hetero white guy.
We know he isn’t evil
And his movies aren’t trash
‘Cause anti-white discrimination
Is what brings Disney their cash
And money, after all,
Is what makes the world go round.
(Also, you know who to blame
If I go missing and am never found).
Filed under Poems
The Other Declaration
Tomorrow is independence day
In the United States of A,
When lots of old guys wrote a thing
That basically said “Go suck it, King.”
But it’s a day not just about vacation.
Think of the day before the declaration
When patriots said, on that long past 3rd of July
“Holy crap, my dudes, we gonna die!”
Filed under Poems
And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter
California made it illegal
To discriminate based on hairstyle.
This is one of the greatest things
I’ve heard in quite a while
Because, based on liberal input,
I know that all white people are racist
And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy
For cutting my hair on that basis:
It’s illegal to bias one’s choices
For traditional hairstyles of race
Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros
And because this is the case
I can shave my head to spell letters,
Specifically “I disagree.”
Now watch as the left calls me Hitler
And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”
Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂
Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com
Filed under Poems
