Tag Archives: Politics

October 28, 2019 · 8:51 pm

Feel Free To Add More!

If America falls into a second civil war

And you live in a republican town

It’s smart to hide in the welfare office

‘Cause that’s one place the Dems won’t burn down.

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If America falls into a second civil war

And you live in a democratic city

You’ll get shot alright

But if you’re not white

No one will say anything that makes you feel shitty.

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If America falls into a second civil war

And California is wiped off the map

The quality of films will go through the roof

As long as you like that Japanese crap.

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October 9, 2019 · 10:09 pm

My 2020 Endorsement

When I was a kid

I saw a film that changed my life

About a team of athletes

Who were suffering from strife.

They were not good at basketball

So they hired a dog to play.

If a dog can win a championship

Why not elect it, eh?

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September 12, 2019 · 7:00 pm

Watching the Debates

What you need to know about ducks

Is not as important as the fact

That every day a million fish

Are, by some birds, attacked.

Those fish cannot defend themselves

Against these violent birds

And it’s time for us to take a stand

And learn to use our words.

When I held political office

In a non-avian related capacity

I realized that my constituents

Viewed me as a guy with some sagacity.

Because of that, I make my case

That fish deserve love too

So vote for me in 2020

And also ducks. Thank you!

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August 27, 2019 · 3:08 pm

NASCAR as a Political Metaphor

The Right

NASCAR is America’s favorite sport,

And know I think I know why:

They keep turning left over and over

Until they crash, burn, and die.

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The Left

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But the first guy does not understand:

If the drivers do not turn left fast enough

The kill random folks in the stands.

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The Highly Intelligent

NASCAR is America’s sport,

But I prefer monster trucks.

At least we agree on the important stuff,

Which is to agree soccer sucks.

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July 26, 2019 · 9:54 am

Back Me Up, Caitlyn

I don’t call you “sir” ’cause I hate you.

I don’t call you “ma’am” to be a bigot.

I use words 99.4 percent of people

Will prefer to be called. Can you dig it?

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July 12, 2019 · 10:41 pm

Sorry Europe, South America, And Basically Everywhere Else, But You Have Terrible Taste

There’s an argument in the USA

About soccer teams and equal pay

‘Cause men got paid more overall

Despite the women winning all the way.

The other side of this tirade

Says the male players are underpaid

Because the revenue their team produced

Was 55 times more than the women’s team made.

Now how revenue or standings weigh

On the importance scale I can’t say.

The real question is, in 2019,

Why won’t this stupid sport just go away?

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July 11, 2019 · 6:38 pm

When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…

“Everyone loves our movies”

Said the Disney corporation

As they embarked on making

Their next live-action adaptation.

“The only problem I can see”

Said a modern movie buff

“Is that your previous films

“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”

And so the Disney corporation

Began to turn away

Anyone who wasn’t brown

Or female or gay.

Now the Disney corporation

Isn’t evil, FYI

Despite their CEO Bob Iger

Being an old cis-hetero white guy.

We know he isn’t evil

And his movies aren’t trash

‘Cause anti-white discrimination

Is what brings Disney their cash

And money, after all,

Is what makes the world go round.

(Also, you know who to blame

If I go missing and am never found).

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July 3, 2019 · 10:35 pm

The Other Declaration

Tomorrow is independence day

In the United States of A,

When lots of old guys wrote a thing

That basically said “Go suck it, King.”

But it’s a day not just about vacation.

Think of the day before the declaration

When patriots said, on that long past 3rd of July

“Holy crap, my dudes, we gonna die!”

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July 1, 2019 · 2:33 pm

And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter

California made it illegal

To discriminate based on hairstyle.

This is one of the greatest things

I’ve heard in quite a while

Because, based on liberal input,

I know that all white people are racist

And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy

For cutting my hair on that basis:

It’s illegal to bias one’s choices

For traditional hairstyles of race

Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros

And because this is the case

I can shave my head to spell letters,

Specifically “I disagree.”

Now watch as the left calls me Hitler

And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”

Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂

Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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June 16, 2019 · 11:51 am

Social Media Arguments

If you’d rather win than be happy

And you’d rather be happy than right

You may be a dumb git

And you’ll feel like shit

But hey! You won that Facebook fight.

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