Tag Archives: Disney

When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…

“Everyone loves our movies”

Said the Disney corporation

As they embarked on making

Their next live-action adaptation.

“The only problem I can see”

Said a modern movie buff

“Is that your previous films

“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”

And so the Disney corporation

Began to turn away

Anyone who wasn’t brown

Or female or gay.

Now the Disney corporation

Isn’t evil, FYI

Despite their CEO Bob Iger

Being an old cis-hetero white guy.

We know he isn’t evil

And his movies aren’t trash

‘Cause anti-white discrimination

Is what brings Disney their cash

And money, after all,

Is what makes the world go round.

(Also, you know who to blame

If I go missing and am never found).

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Because Disney Ruins Everything

If I owned a magic candy cane

That could call thunder and rain

I’d try to die ASAP

So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.

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The 900-Year-Old Virgin

I discovered a Star Wars easter egg

That no one’s noticed yet.

The Jedi forbid romantic love

In times the prequels set.

This ban on love and marriage

As a staple of Jedi law

Lasted from Yoda’s infancy

To his death on Dagobah.

So the Easter egg I mentioned

That everybody missed

Is Yoda was Disney’s Frog Prince

That no one ever kissed.

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Social Norms: A Disney Musical (Yes, This Is Irony)

Keep it in, keep it in.

Just keep it bottled up

And let no petty feelings

Fall in your proverbial cup.

Don’t be tempted by expression

And ignore that will to live

‘Cause money’s what you want

And money’s all we have to give.

So keep it in, keep it in.

Keep it tucked away inside.

Joyful outbursts and sad moments

Neither one should you abide.

All those swirly bits of feeling

That bounce around your head

Are horrors from the outside world.

Just watch TV instead!

Keep it in, keep it in

Because peace takes too much work

And if you are emotional

People might think you’re a jerk,

So take a swig, a puff, a pill,

A needle in your vein

So you can keep it in some more

And stop feeling the pain.

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