Today elected people
Did a thing I think is bad
And I want all my contacts
To be upset that I am sad.
I want my friends and followers
To hear my text-based whine.
If you’re not sympathetic
Then an argument’s also fine.
Tag Archives: Politics
Somewhere In Texas
Somewhere in Texas
The gray clouds were parted,
Children didn’t comment
Even though someone farted,
A lone sunbeam broke
Through the sky, dark and wild,
And pond’ring his legacy
George W. smiled.
Somewhere in Texas
The dogs stopped their barking.
The deserts had rain
And the cities had parking.
And in the un-droughted sunbeamy parking lot
Sat an ex-executive dope,
No longer most hated
Or so he would hope.
Somewhere in Texas
A prairie dog sits.
It eats when it’s hungry
And afterwards… you know.
That rodent posts nothing
On Facebook today
And if we are lucky
Our friends will be the same way.
Filed under Poems
A Limerick For When You’re The Only Right-Winger In Your Social Group
If you think something’s funny
You are right
Unless it deals with pol’tics
And you’re white
In which case you’d best not laugh
For it might be a social gaffe
(But if you voted Bernie you’re alright).
Filed under Poems
The Internet Circa November 2016
You know when you lose
And you feel pretty lame
But you shake hands
And tell your partner “good game?”
I hope that you don’t
Because that old-fashioned crap is dead.
Losing is for losers.
Inaugurate Bernie instead!
Filed under Poems
A Sneak Peek At Poems From My Upcoming Senate Campaign
You may have both heard
I can’t be bothered
To write funny poems
Before evening’s chill.
I’d like to address
To the question, and yes
I will address it
Although first I will
Bring to your sense
The problems immense
That plague creativity
Such as lack of caffeine,
An unhealthy diet
(Though I’d urge you to try it),
And a sleep cycle deadly
To the health of one’s spleen.
These matters now raised
The establishment praised
Solutions that will not
These problems make right.
My plans will be different.
Now what was the question?
You don’t even remember.
With that said, good night!
Filed under Poems
Possible Political Folly = Guaranteed Comic Gold
So many nights I spent
Uninspired in my bed
Staring at the blinking cursor
With pages empty as my head.
The night after the election
So many topical jokes did flow
Which, hilarious as they might have been,
Of them the world can’t know.
A literal pot of gold
In my conciousness did lie
On the bright side much humor’s to come
Thanks to America’s choice. Bye bye!
Filed under Poems
The US Constitution (As Read By Congress)
PENNSBVWJDIKVKRBWBQKDOKVKVEBVRBRHFYCYALQBDBNZMCJRKRLFPCKNCNSNDKOFPELABXJOFPRPWNDBJCIFOEPWNXJCOOFKEKFKDNBRBFNJCJCJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ…
On a sandwich.
Filed under Poems
Thank Very Much For Financial Consideration
If I were a Nigerian prince
With a million bucks to spare
I’d buy all the world’s balloons
To fill with mountain air,
Then withhold them from the peasants
Instead of sending cash to you
‘Cause that’s a dick decision
And it’s what dictatorial princes do.
Filed under Poems
USA, November 2016
Roses are reds,
Violets are blue,
These are both valid points, and I’ll address them in a moment, but first…
But does anyone stop to comfort the violets in their sorrow? Even once?
No!
You know, depression is a chemical imbalance and has many dangerous side effects. But when it becomes a part of ones identity, as it has for the violets, it transcends its mortal debilitation and becomes a blight on the very soul.
When I’m elected, I’m going to make violets purple again! And not by adding rose colored glasses, no. Not by that. Who needs all the thorns roses bring anyway? No, I dream of a garden where honest, hardworking violets can grow bigly without the radical redness of roses!
In other words, f*** you roses.
Let’s Get Pruning ™
This poem brought to you by Goldman Sachs.
Filed under Poems
Wanna Play?
I’ve invented a new sport.
Its much like soccer
Except instead of a ball
You carry around
A rich guy on a couch
Who just lies back to enjoy it all.
The couch player
Is very important
Because they direct their team.
I think I’ll name it
Monarchy Ball.
It’s more loved than it would logically seem.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 