I remember the days of yore
When if you made a call
You could not use the internet.
No you couldn’t. Not at all.
I remember the olden days
When a prune was a “dried plum,”
And when Superhero movies
Were as tacky as they’d come.
If you complain about the future,
These are the comforts you should seek.
Besides these three things, however,
Yeah… The future’s kinda bleak.
Filed under Poems
The little box on my watch
That tells me the date
Is taunting me with
What might have been my fate,
For it says “23,”
But it’s halfway away
Towards the “24” sign
That means it’s the next day.
I think I’m in meltdown,
To have my mind be so blank
For two days in a week.
I have job security to thank.
And for those East of Cali,
Who missed today’s rhymes:
If I could I’d email you
A cage full of mimes.
Filed under Poems
There once was a van-living hoarder
Who crossed the Canadian border.
He lost his way,
So he asked a cop “eh?”
The cop figured all was in order.
And so the directionless dude
Asked locals who were eating food.
They said “bla bla bluh.”
The van-guy asked “huh,”
And found himself viciously booed.
And so the van-guy found his way
Back to Where-He-Was-From, USA.
There’s a moral somewhere,
But you probably don’t care,
And it’s probably better that way.
Filed under Poems
This poem’s for the people
Who work lousy hours
Slaving away
For the “that be”-ing powers.
These rhymes are for tellers
And checkers and chaps
Who wear store-logo polos
And maybe ball caps.
This verse is for plumbers
And sellers of pot.
Thanks for doing your thing
So that I need not.
Filed under Poems
Today I was nominated
For a “Dragon Loyalty Award”
By Aunty Cath, my follower
Whom I am grateful toward.
The gist of this distinction
(Besides just being great)
Is to write a bit about yourself
And other blogs you appreciate.
So first, the bit about me.
I will share seven things:
I play and teach the clarinet,
I enjoy playing on swings,
I’m a board game fanatic
And a pokemon collector,
My favorite band is “Great Big Sea”
And I’m a rampant grammar-corrector.
The seventh thing I’ll share with you
Is that I don’t read many blogs.
Mostly they’re about men’s fashion
Or have pictures of cute dogs.
So if you want to win something
Like this esteemed award,
You can claim I nominated you
And boom! Now you’re not bored.
And thanks again to Aunty Cath:
I might just follow you,
‘Cause you gave me a topic for today
Besides just a haiku.
When I drink my morning coffee
I think about my wife,
And how the two of them together
Give me such a perfect life.
And when I drink my evening coffee
And I lie awake at night
I know neither one has chest hair,
And that makes me feel all right.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere in my memory
Lies July the seventeenth.
(That’s yesterday, in case you didn’t know’st).
That was the day my mind
Was way off on it’s own.
It was the day that I forgot to post.
So in memorium
Of this flawless two-year goal,
This poet must apologize to you.
But if my memory serves,
Then the poem you may have seen
Would’ve been a pretty bad half-assed haiku.
Filed under Poems
I had a lunch hour at my old job,
But that just wasn’t enough.
I need some time in the middle of the day
To just relax and stuff.
I told my boss about my plight.
Now I take two hours instead
To eat my meal and check my mail
And generally clear my head.
Still, my malaise remained in place,
Even when I took
My two 15-minute breaks
Before and after my lunch nook.
Now my lunch is 16 hours
And I’m darn pleased to heck.
Self employment’s really something,
But I wish they’d send my check.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 