She asked me for a diamond necklace.
I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.
She asked me for a diamond necklace
But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.
Tag Archives: Puns
Not Quite A Heartache
I heard him tell her “You’re breathtaking,”
And I thought “That’s nice, isn’t it.”
Then I realized it was a guy with a lisp
Who just punched his wife on the tit.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Simultaneously Existed And Didn’t (Until You Saw The Title)
If the name of Ivan Pavlov
Doesn’t ring a bell
Then I know an Erwin Shrodinger
Whose tale I can tell.
He got himself arrested
Despite being a scientific whizz.
He wasn’t sure he killed someone
But they told him and now he is.
Filed under Poems
Cautionary Tale
A visitor had phone sex
With a couple of hotel maids.
He thought he couldn’t get an STD
But now he has hearing aids.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Not Picky About Who You Befriend
My friend has 70 statues of legs.
I don’t know how he got ’em,
But I know if he ever spanks a statue
He’ll likely hit rock bottom.
Filed under Poems
British Humour
Some folks saw jousting
On the english channel,
But those folks weren’t me:
What I saw was guys
Playing poker knight
On the BB sea.
Filed under Poems
My Foray Into French Poetry (It’s a 12y)
When I went to France
I got a pet 4.
I 5 to my knees
And I gave it a pat.
I wanted to pet it
But was told to 6.
If you don’t know French numbers
You’ve had e9 of 10.
Filed under Poems
Genesis
God made twelve hours of light and dark
In an alternating way
Then sat a while
And with a smile
Decided to call it a day.
Filed under Poems
Star Wars Episode IX
The stormtrooper lands
In Nairobi, Kenya
And fires his blaster
Into the falling H2O.
The Jedi asks the trooper
“What was all that?”
And the trooper says
“I miss the rains down in Africa.”
*Roll Credits*
Filed under Poems
Four European Jokes
If you think you’re very nice
I’ll leave you this reminder:
No matter how kind you happen to be
German children will always be kinder.
——————————————————–
If you read the first jokes
And your focus yet lingers
How ’bout the Roman
Who held up two fingers
And said to the bartender
“Howdy there Clive!”
Clive asked “Two beers?”
But the Roman said “Five.”
——————————————————–
When France declared a civil war
At first we wondered “But what for?”
But thanks to the historically well-versed
We learned it was an argument about who surrendered first.
——————————————————–
Spain.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 