Tag Archives: White People

Canadian Rap

What’s up dawg?

We about to get real!

In my crib we consider

How other folks feel,

Like when a brother asks

“Yo, where da bathroom be?”

You say “The end of the hall,”

And hope they have a good pee.

If your mixtape is flames

But it’s disturbin’ the neighbors

You realize that lack of sleep

Impacts professional labors,

So you crank it from eleven

Back to a suitable volum’

So when yo neighbors see the cops

They ain’t intendin’ to call ’em.

We don’t judge a playa’s major,

Whether fine arts or stem.

We be diggin’ respect

For he/him/she/her/they/them.

We know if a brotha’s vegan

Or wants his food gluten free,

And if you bringin’ people drinks

Why not some decaf tea?

If you come an’ have a holla

In the ‘burbs with me,

I be more apt to thank you kindly

If you RSVP.

You may think we freakin’ tame

Because our hide’s pretty white,

But a party ain’t be rockin’

If da guests ain’t polite!

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Discover Why Mexicans Use Visa*

“Black guys play the black card.”

That’s how white people said it

Before they made the Master Card

And gave themselves the credit.

*This poem contains no mention of American Express because I couldn’t think of a good “Underground Railroad” joke, and also no one uses American Express.

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You’re A Grand Wizard Harry

If all white people are racists

And support the KKK

It makes me see Hagrid

In an entirely new way.

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Sarsaparilla Is Southern After All…

I opened a bottle of root beer

And smiled at the sweetness and fizz.

You probably don’t think that sounds racist

But I’m white, so it probably is.

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White Men…

Forty-thousand years ago

I was not yet born.

There was no clear cut logging,

Slow wi-fi or GMO corn.

The Federal Reserve

Had some cash they’d yet to spend

And there’d never been a war

Designed to have no end.

Alas, what we have now’s

Not what we had.

I guess that I should probably say

“My bad.”

A school shooting three times a year

Is worse than the crusades.

Sixty-eight cents on a man’s dollar

Is worse than not getting paid.

All the knowledge in the world

Is just a finger tap away,

But it can’t match the tribal elders

Saying “stone that guy. He’s gay.”

Despite the stained glass windows

God’s our middle-eastern dad,

So from this white guy to the world:

Oops, my bad.

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