You ever seen one of those
Human-sized dolls
For guys who want lovin’
But don’t have the balls?
I really hope they’re electric.
That’s what I’ve concluded,
‘Cause what other double-D’s
Are “batteries not included?”
Tag Archives: Puns
Crooks and Homophones
We were robbing a grocer.
I said “buy me some time.”
He went to the spices,
Then the express checkout line.
We landed in prison.
Our plans came unfurled.
Now all we’ve got left
Is all the thyme in the world.
Filed under Poems
Sweet Tea
I met a girl the other day.
She was such a teas.
I was lost in the swing of her rose hips
And the bend of her chai knees.
She was sweet as a strawberry zinger.
Her hair was as black as Earl Grey.
She raised one lump or two in my heart
And she steeped in my thoughts all day.
And tonight I will drink in her presence
And maybe protect her from thieves.
If all goes well, we’ll have English Breakfast.
I read it in the leaves.
Filed under Poems
Traffic Jam
I put some rubber on my toast
Along with smog and frustration,
Mixed with a soupsant
Of despair and irritation.
It wasn’t a great breakfast,
But I didn’t want to shirk,
So I had toast with traffic jam
On my way to work.
Pre-Presidential Career Advice
Math has strength in numbers,
Computer science has Intel.
Musicians can pull the strings,
And drama can as well.
But the nerdy occupation
That wins while hardly trying
Are the mattress beta-testers,
‘Cause, oh man, they’re good at lying.
Filed under Poems
I Just Want Some Subtlety!
It’s 3.14159!
What a day! Oh, isn’t it fine!
I’m all for Pi, but in this case
I’d like my Pi less “in your face.”
Filed under Poems
One Big Misunderstanding
The big red button
Says “do not press,”
Which is why it’s wrinkly.
Filed under Poems
That Wasn’t Chicken
I wanted fried rice
At a very low price
Because I was poor and young.
What other excuse
Would I have for the use
Of a menu from “Meow Tse Tung.”
Filed under Poems
Made in China?
I took a trip to the great wall
On my quest to see it all.
I enjoyed myself a bit more than a little.
Stupid you might call it,
But I’m afraid I left my wallet
Somewhere between the ending and the middle.
To make up for such bad luck
I had to make a buck
To get back to my home, off in Regina.
That’s how the story goes:
To solve my money woes
I was forced to be a maid in China.
Filed under Poems
The Sequel
Thirty years after the events
Of the movie “Home Alone,”
The little kid who starred in it
Must now pick up the phone
And call the bank to bend and scrape
For money to be loaned.
The mortgage guy approves the app,
A trap for our hero.
And so the boy becomes a man
With a house, all on his own.
The title of the sequel is
Of course, “Home: A Loan.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 