It’s 3.14159!
What a day! Oh, isn’t it fine!
I’m all for Pi, but in this case
I’d like my Pi less “in your face.”
Tag Archives: Puns
One Big Misunderstanding
The big red button
Says “do not press,”
Which is why it’s wrinkly.
Filed under Poems
That Wasn’t Chicken
I wanted fried rice
At a very low price
Because I was poor and young.
What other excuse
Would I have for the use
Of a menu from “Meow Tse Tung.”
Filed under Poems
Made in China?
I took a trip to the great wall
On my quest to see it all.
I enjoyed myself a bit more than a little.
Stupid you might call it,
But I’m afraid I left my wallet
Somewhere between the ending and the middle.
To make up for such bad luck
I had to make a buck
To get back to my home, off in Regina.
That’s how the story goes:
To solve my money woes
I was forced to be a maid in China.
Filed under Poems
The Sequel
Thirty years after the events
Of the movie “Home Alone,”
The little kid who starred in it
Must now pick up the phone
And call the bank to bend and scrape
For money to be loaned.
The mortgage guy approves the app,
A trap for our hero.
And so the boy becomes a man
With a house, all on his own.
The title of the sequel is
Of course, “Home: A Loan.”
Filed under Poems
I’m In Love With A Fruit
Of all the fruit varieties
The melon’s romantic life
Is the one most prone to
Tension, tears, and strife.
From the watermelon bride
Who will never be a mom
Because she was made seedless
For Harry, Dick, and Tom,
To the green-internal melon
Who tries not to be a nag
But every list is a honeydew,
Which can sort of be a drag.
If you’re a melon being married
Then you had better hope
That your partner is approved of
Because you cantaloupe.
In the life of a melon
It’s a challenge to be jolly.
Perhaps that’s why when you are sad
They call it melancholy.
Filed under Poems
The Funny Bone (Danger: Puns)
It was the annual pickup game
At the Summer Camp for bones,
And the kids paid rapt attention
To a spine named Mr. Jones.
“I’d like to introduce you,”
They heard Mr. Jones declare,
“To a new bone. His name’s humerus.”
Applause caressed the air.
“So are you funny?” Ulna asked,
Always one for the obvious question.
Humerus told the only joke he knew
About a small intestine.
Radius laughed politely
But the jawbone din’t move,
And the ribs agreed that joking
Did not his personality behoove.
And so the game began,
And balls were thrown and kicked,
And when it came to choosing teams
Humerus was the last bone to be picked.
It turned out that poor Humerus
Came off as much too smarmy,
So he hired some local muscle
And left to join the army.
Filed under Poems
Fissions of the Past
I’ve been thinking about Eden,
About Adam and his rib
And pond’ring how to make it
Poetical and glib.
And I realized the Bible
Could be scientifically read
If you thought of Eve’s creation
As splitting the Adam instead.
Filed under Poems
Arr, ye Sol Ti Do!
Ray’s cow chewed her cud
Amidst the mud,
While Ray looked on with wonder.
While I, Captain Jack
Snuck round the back.
Their farm I sought to plunder.
Alas Ray raised
A herd of deer
To guard his home from a pirate.
That’s the ballad
of Doe, Ray, and Me
And it makes me feel irate!
Filed under Poems
Etiquette Rex
“I want meat! I need to eat!”
Said T-Rex to his mother.
His mother roared a weary sigh,
As if to say “Oh brother.”
“What are the magic words?” She asked
As she cooked up a meaty stew.
“Plesiosaurus,” T-Rex replied,
“And also, mama, thank you.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 