I expect Yoda’ve heard by know
About an awakening in the force.
I hope it doesn’t take after sand,
Getting everywhere, rough and coarse.
This film will be our only hope
No matter how you Luke at it
To see if a stormtrooper main character
Can manage to make a hit.
I’ll be Red 7 standing by,
Not getting forty winks
To see if JJ Abrams
Gets nicknamed JJ Binks.
And so, though there’s two weeks to go
This poet’s had mesa some funs.
Now this poem’s Finn-ished
And I’ll Leia’ff the puns.
Filed under Poems
You ever seen one of those
Human-sized dolls
For guys who want lovin’
But don’t have the balls?
I really hope they’re electric.
That’s what I’ve concluded,
‘Cause what other double-D’s
Are “batteries not included?”
Filed under Poems
We were robbing a grocer.
I said “buy me some time.”
He went to the spices,
Then the express checkout line.
We landed in prison.
Our plans came unfurled.
Now all we’ve got left
Is all the thyme in the world.
Filed under Poems
I met a girl the other day.
She was such a teas.
I was lost in the swing of her rose hips
And the bend of her chai knees.
She was sweet as a strawberry zinger.
Her hair was as black as Earl Grey.
She raised one lump or two in my heart
And she steeped in my thoughts all day.
And tonight I will drink in her presence
And maybe protect her from thieves.
If all goes well, we’ll have English Breakfast.
I read it in the leaves.
Filed under Poems
I put some rubber on my toast
Along with smog and frustration,
Mixed with a soupsant
Of despair and irritation.
It wasn’t a great breakfast,
But I didn’t want to shirk,
So I had toast with traffic jam
On my way to work.
Math has strength in numbers,
Computer science has Intel.
Musicians can pull the strings,
And drama can as well.
But the nerdy occupation
That wins while hardly trying
Are the mattress beta-testers,
‘Cause, oh man, they’re good at lying.
Filed under Poems
It’s 3.14159!
What a day! Oh, isn’t it fine!
I’m all for Pi, but in this case
I’d like my Pi less “in your face.”
Filed under Poems
The big red button
Says “do not press,”
Which is why it’s wrinkly.
Filed under Poems
I wanted fried rice
At a very low price
Because I was poor and young.
What other excuse
Would I have for the use
Of a menu from “Meow Tse Tung.”
Filed under Poems
I took a trip to the great wall
On my quest to see it all.
I enjoyed myself a bit more than a little.
Stupid you might call it,
But I’m afraid I left my wallet
Somewhere between the ending and the middle.
To make up for such bad luck
I had to make a buck
To get back to my home, off in Regina.
That’s how the story goes:
To solve my money woes
I was forced to be a maid in China.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 