Tag Archives: Homophones

Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)

There once was a bass who played bass

Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”

His leader then lead

Him to read what he read

But he wound up wounding his face.

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Fear Not Weather’s Wonders

One wonders whether weather

Wonders whether weather was

A wandering weather whither

else wandering thither just because.

But whether weather wanders

Hither, thither, or wherever

One’s wandering wonder weathers

Weather’s wonders well forever.

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The Present Present Is Presented By Presence

Your presence

Is like the absence

Of a present

Of being absent.

That’s how I feel

Which is to say

Your absence is a present

So please go away.

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Somewhere, Just Beneath The Surface, Is Depth

Nothing says “hypocrite”

Like a guy saying “hypocrite.”

Nothing says “hippo crit”

Like large, lucky mammals.

Nothing says “pachyderm”

Like an yderm salesman’s boss,

And I suppose also

Some verbose plucky camels.

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Warning: This Poem Contains Homophonic Content. Reader Discretion Is Advised

I paid for the Italian festival,

A fair fair fare.

They had many exhibitions

Like a rare bare bear.

But when I tried to exit

I found myself trapped

By some drummers- a snare snare.

My pants almost were crapped

But thankfully I hadn’t

Eaten in the recent past

For just a short time.

‘Twas quite a fast fast.

My pants uncrapped, I

Did home in on my home

It was a long way away

As I’d been roamin’ in Rome.

I ran past the drummers

With a minimal fight.

The road forked three ways

But I took the right right.

They pursued me with insects,

Their mightiest mites

For several bishopy evenings

And several more knighty nights.

No, the fair wasn’t fair,

Nor was it even even

But I bested their best

And escaped without grievin’.

In the end I lost money,

But it was a fine fine

‘Cause the memories will last

Longer than the lion line.


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The Pane Of Homophones

Sum folks dont knead it.

Other folks dew.

Eye’m speaking of coarse

Of voice two text apps. Dew ewe?

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Don’t Talk To Strangers, AKA Board Games

I walked up to a stranger

And promptly said “I’m bored.”

Turns out he’s a genie.

“I’ve heard your wish, my lord.”

Alas, the genie’s spelling

Was unfortunately poor,

And that’s the tale of how

I became a two-by-four.

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Wrong Stool

I asked “How do I get taller?”

They said “stand on a stool.”

Now my shoes smell like crap

And I feel like a fool.

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Why Don’t Plants Move?

I used to know

Why plants didn’t move.

About it I used to sing,

But now I’m confused

Because chlorophyll

And chloroform aren’t the same thing.

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Crooks and Homophones

We were robbing a grocer.

I said “buy me some time.”

He went to the spices,

Then the express checkout line.

We landed in prison.

Our plans came unfurled.

Now all we’ve got left

Is all the thyme in the world.

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