There once was a bass who played bass
Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”
His leader then lead
Him to read what he read
But he wound up wounding his face.
Tag Archives: Homophones
Funnier If You Read It Wrong (Is That “Read” Like Read or “Read” Like Read Though?)
Filed under Poems
Fear Not Weather’s Wonders
One wonders whether weather
Wonders whether weather was
A wandering weather whither
else wandering thither just because.
But whether weather wanders
Hither, thither, or wherever
One’s wandering wonder weathers
Weather’s wonders well forever.
Filed under Poems
The Present Present Is Presented By Presence
Your presence
Is like the absence
Of a present
Of being absent.
That’s how I feel
Which is to say
Your absence is a present
So please go away.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, Just Beneath The Surface, Is Depth
Nothing says “hypocrite”
Like a guy saying “hypocrite.”
Nothing says “hippo crit”
Like large, lucky mammals.
Nothing says “pachyderm”
Like an yderm salesman’s boss,
And I suppose also
Some verbose plucky camels.
Filed under Poems
Warning: This Poem Contains Homophonic Content. Reader Discretion Is Advised
I paid for the Italian festival,
A fair fair fare.
They had many exhibitions
Like a rare bare bear.
But when I tried to exit
I found myself trapped
By some drummers- a snare snare.
My pants almost were crapped
But thankfully I hadn’t
Eaten in the recent past
For just a short time.
‘Twas quite a fast fast.
My pants uncrapped, I
Did home in on my home
It was a long way away
As I’d been roamin’ in Rome.
I ran past the drummers
With a minimal fight.
The road forked three ways
But I took the right right.
They pursued me with insects,
Their mightiest mites
For several bishopy evenings
And several more knighty nights.
No, the fair wasn’t fair,
Nor was it even even
But I bested their best
And escaped without grievin’.
In the end I lost money,
But it was a fine fine
‘Cause the memories will last
Longer than the lion line.
Filed under Poems
The Pane Of Homophones
Sum folks dont knead it.
Other folks dew.
Eye’m speaking of coarse
Of voice two text apps. Dew ewe?
Filed under Poems
Don’t Talk To Strangers, AKA Board Games
I walked up to a stranger
And promptly said “I’m bored.”
Turns out he’s a genie.
“I’ve heard your wish, my lord.”
Alas, the genie’s spelling
Was unfortunately poor,
And that’s the tale of how
I became a two-by-four.
Filed under Poems
Wrong Stool
I asked “How do I get taller?”
They said “stand on a stool.”
Now my shoes smell like crap
And I feel like a fool.
Why Don’t Plants Move?
I used to know
Why plants didn’t move.
About it I used to sing,
But now I’m confused
Because chlorophyll
And chloroform aren’t the same thing.
Filed under Poems
Crooks and Homophones
We were robbing a grocer.
I said “buy me some time.”
He went to the spices,
Then the express checkout line.
We landed in prison.
Our plans came unfurled.
Now all we’ve got left
Is all the thyme in the world.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 