Tag Archives: Quotes

Things No One Has Ever Said In The History Of Everything

“My wife needs more pillows.”

“That mullet looks great!”

“Soccer’s exciting.”

“The world needs more hate.”

“Pink armpit hair’s hot.”

“I got a job with my arts degree.”

“I wish that I had gotten caught.”

“I really, super don’t have to pee.”

“I really hate inner tubes.”

“That was a great United flight.”

“She’d look better with smaller boobs.”

“The valedictorian’s getting laid tonight!”

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The Problem With Quotes

Just because a wise man said it

Doesn’t make it wise.

A wise man says “No bacon for me,”

But, plot twist! He eventually dies.

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The Media

A man with an ax
Can hurt one without,
And we know how a man
With a gun can turn out,

But the most dangerous weapon
A madman may use
Is to gather up quotes
And selectively choose

The ones that deliver
Whatever he’s thinkin’.

“This poet’s correct.”
-Abraham Lincoln

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