The fact that we’ve been through how many wars
And nobody’s realized yet
That dropping skunks is way cheaper than dropping bombs
Shows just how dumb humans can get.
Tag Archives: Short
Military/Zoological Complex (See Also… Polar Bears, Chihuahuas, Those #%^*ing Moths In The Bathroom At Night… I Can Go On)
Filed under Poems
Bille Nye The Science Guy 3, Starring Chris Rock
We’ve finally reached the place
Where Hollywood’s gotten so mid
Black actors are turning down starring roles
And bringing milk home for their kid.
Filed under Poems
Forget Electric Cars… THIS Will Prevent Climate Change
Every GPS should say
“Make a U-turn here for course correction”
On bridges, highways, and the like
To speed up natural selection.
Filed under Poems
Know Your Role!
Women are possessed of powers
Men cannot explain
But sitting on the toilet for half an hour
Is strictly man’s domain.
Filed under Poems
Modern Audiences
I consider myself pretty smart
And I have an insight into art:
More people would read
Poetry if indeed
More poets would use the word “fart”
Filed under Poems
Everyone Has Something To Share
If your life is a dumpster fire
Don’t think about aiming higher
But find a cold alley
And watch how you rally
The hobos, who your heat admire.
Filed under Poems
Chess
We made a fancy board game
With alternating colored squares.
Both players have the same army
So the game will always be fair.
You win by reading the most books
About how to win the game
And memorizing how other people
Learned to not be lame.
Filed under Poems
Discipline Solution Or Future Skynet? You Decide
Some people are scared of robots
But I think we should put them in school
Because people would grow up with them
And think they’re really cool
And if a not-a-robot kid
Would give the teachers sass
It’d be just fine to get them in line
By kicking a robot’s ass.
Filed under Poems
Check The Date
I like taxes. I like Feds.
I like cold and lumpy beds.
Yes, that muumuu’s very cute.
I double-checked your parachute.
Filed under Poems
A New Perspective
I’ve started to think of ads
As memes from strangers’ dads
About brands I don’t know
And that makes me feel so
Much less like I’ve been punched in the ‘nads.
Filed under Poems
