Just because you shouldn’t
Doesn’t mean you can’t.
You can write down “shalln’t”
Even though it should be “shan’t.”
You can rob a bakery,
Though prudent be, it wouldn’t,
And if you weren’t successful there
Argue with the cops you couldn’t.
I learned these things and many more,
And whether I should’ve or shouldn’t
You can’t and shan’t and shouldn’t say
I ain’t too good a stud’nt.
Filed under Poems
Pretty much everything
Goes well most of the time,
But every now and then
One can’t think of a rhyme.
I’d written the first couplet,
But not the one that followed it.
‘Twas on the tip of my tongue,
But, alas, I think I swallowed it.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
I never learned how to sew,
So my homemaking skills are so-so,
But I know “two” from “to,”
And I even learned “too,”
So I guess you reap what you so.
Filed under Poems
In the beginning
The world was flat,
The king was king,
And that was that.
Then peasants saw
They’d gotten screwed.
They grabbed torches and pitchforks
And got really rude.
Now the king wasn’t king
And the Earth was a sphere
And the peasants rejoiced
And drank all the beer.
A king was elected
Who told everyone
“The beer will be back
When my four years are done.”
But the beer wasn’t back
After the Earth’s fourth turn,
So the pitchforks were sharpened
And the torches did burn.
And now the beer’s back,
Which just goes to show
That society’s perfect.
And, well, now you know.
Filed under Poems
I tried to iron my shirt today
Expecting humor all the way,
I didn’t laugh. That’s how life goes:
‘Twas less ironic than I supposed.
Filed under Poems
I’m thankful that the turkey
On my table is dead
And that at ten A.M
I can write poems in bed.
I’m thankful that if my poem
On Thanksgiving isn’t great
I won’t be washed away
By a necrotic wave of hate.
I’m thankful that necrotic waves
Are very rare occurrences
And that I’ve found employment
Selling life and health assurances.
I’m thankful to be dealt a hand
Of aces. Just the same
I’m glad I’ve got the self-control
To just avoid the game.
I’m thankful for soft blankets,
The ability to play,
And Naoko Takeuchi,
But not “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Finally, I’m thankful for
My readers (that means you)!
Happy Thanksgiving from the States,
And don’t forget to chew.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
I’ve been told by friends of mine
That I have no filter
Because I saw a naked Scottish man
And said he was “off-kilter.”
Filed under Poems
An evil tree from outer space
Wanted to kill the human race.
It grew up in the middle of town,
‘Til old man Wiggins cut it down.
And for the townsfolk life went on,
Unknowing that a threat had gone.
This true story goes to show
It’s what you do, not what you know.
Filed under Poems
Did you hear the tale
Of the bulldog named Krupp?
If you have, crazy huh?
If not, look it up.
Filed under Poems
The creators of “My Little Pony”
Have created a product for boys.
It’s fire truck red with side-mounted guns
And seventeen makers of noise.
The company calls it “My Big-ass Horse.”
In thirty-eight countries it’s banned,
Including America, which is why
I’m moving away to Japan.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 