Mercury has thermometers.
Venus has carnivorous plants.
Mars has chocolate candy
But Earth gets freakin’ ants?!
Tag Archives: Space
Where Do The Colonists Sign Up?
So when you die the tax man comes
To take of your estate
While you pay tax on a hospital bill,
Pine box, and granite slate,
Then wear taxed clothes to the funeral.
You’ll arrive in taxed-gas powered cars
Which is why I will die as an astronaut:
‘Cause there’s no taxes yet on Mars.
Filed under Poems
We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent
“My feelings matter”
Screamed the important human
And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears
Of hyper-intelligent space blobs
Smiled and reminisced
On when they thought the same thing.
Two or three universes away
The process repeated.
Filed under Poems
It made a Great Commemorative Mug Shot
The sign said “no trespassing,”
But I did.
The police came driving up,
So I hid.
The cops found me out,
So I lied.
They sent me off to prison,
Where I reside.
They ask “would you do it again?”
I say “yes.”
Were I smarter, I wouldn’t be
In this mess,
Because next time at Nasa
My face
Won’t be in the hole for
“Take your picture in space.”
Filed under Poems
Why Aliens Don’t Visit Anymore
Earth has too many humans,
And jupiter has too much gas.
Mercury and venus
Are much too hot to pass.
Mars just might have martians ,
And Saturn has too many rings,
And I don’t like the awful puns
Uranus always brings.
Pluto is a lovely place,
But it’s just a planetoid,
And Neptune is a neighborhood
The prudent should avoid.
I’ve flown around for years now,
But I’ve never found a place
And cool and dark and cozy
As life in outer space.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 