Somebody was like
“What if we wrote ‘SKJ’
“And pronounced it like ‘sh?'”
And another guy was like
“When Hell freezes over.”
And I was like
“Nor way man!”
Also hockey, socialism, and vikings.
Tag Archives: Stupid
That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”
My dad has the heart of a lion.
My mom has the heart of a gnu.
Sure, my dad has better taste
But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Not Picky About Who You Befriend
My friend has 70 statues of legs.
I don’t know how he got ’em,
But I know if he ever spanks a statue
He’ll likely hit rock bottom.
Filed under Poems
White Men, 2019
One day someone was looking
At a girl with diamond earrings
And thought “hey, those are pretty
“But why not use frisbees instead?”
Thus was the beginning
Of the now-frequent appearings
Of those with earlobes larger
Than the brains inside their heads.
Filed under Poems
A Song For All Seasons
The hills are alive
With the sound of music
And by “Sound of Music”
We mean wildfires
And by “The hills”
We mean California.
Filed under Poems
Evening Meditation
As the light fades to yellow
And to bright orangey-red
I summon my thoughts
About life to my head.
As red turns to green
Like autumn reversed
I think of life’s moments,
The best and the worst.
As green turns to amber
The cycle repeats
And I cherish life’s beauty,
The adventures and treats.
Then the light’s green again
And in my pensive mood
I ask “what’s with the honking
“And why are drivers so rude?”
Filed under Poems
Taste Optional
I saw an advertisement
For a poetry group today
Inviting folks to “come and read
“A poem that stabs the heart,
Reveals a truth or sadness,
Or helps you shout hooray.”
I was not well received
By reading “Ode to a Fart.”
Filed under Poems
The Humpback
If you’re a man trying to hump
A large marine mammal that’s male
If it humps back you may have found
A homosexuwhale.
Filed under Poems
This Poem Is Brolken
I wanted to make a polka joke
To show I am a funny folk
Then I drank a diet colk
So instead I told a polka jolk.
Filed under Poems
The Four Elements: A Modern Myth
In the domain of clouds and bursting sun
Lived Lychlorida, daughter of the sky.
In thermals and in tailwinds she’d run,
A sister to all birds and things that fly.
In green and blue and black oceans and seas
Lychlorida sent rain to her brother,
King of water, born of a river breeze,
The second child of their divine mother.
Beneath ocean and sky, sister enflamed,
Deity of fire where the earth’s plates grind,
Asked why only Lychlorida was named
(Although she found she really didn’t mind).
And last, on Earth, the fourth child, king of stone
Knew none of this; He just played on his phone.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 