I said “People love dying of cancer
“And stinky electrical stuff.
“Why don’t we combine them?”
Then the corporations called my bluff.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Mary Poppins, Directed by Quentin Tarantino
I like hiking by the stream.
I like the taste of whipping cream.
I like having a happy dream.
Also, the electric chair.
Filed under Poems
When You Catch Someone’s Eye(s)…
Tonight I came to realize
That if you see the world through another’s eyes
You might see, through this new view,
That someone made a horror movie based on the sick, eye-stealing you.
Filed under Poems
When You Try To Rhyme And It All Goes Wrong
She asked to buy a stove,
A stove she could love.
They asked at what cost?
“The one that costs the most.”
They heard what she said
And watched as she paid.
Then they helped her move
The new stove, her love.
Filed under Poems
She Did Not Laugh Throatily
She asked me for a diamond necklace.
I gave her a diamond whose shoulders touch its head.
She asked me for a diamond necklace
But I gave her a diamond neckless instead.
Filed under Poems
Life’s Hard Questions
If you gave a guy from Zimbabwe
A billion dollars cash
He could buy a whole lot of cattle
And a man with a lot of cattle is rich,
But if you give an American guy
A billion dollars worth of cattle
He can send his enemies cow poop
For the rest of his life,
So who’s the real winner?
Filed under Poems
My Friday Night
I took me out to a ball game,
Alas, to one with a crowd.
There they sold peanuts and alcohol
‘Cause Cracker Jack’s racist and traditional.
There I learned baseball tactics
And how to play the game right
From a screaming drunk woman
Who looked like a dark alley at night.
“Hit the ball!” Was her opener.
“Throw a strike” later came.
Then was “Make people stop not getting out
“And you’ll win the whole (censored) game!”
It turns out this lady’s cheerleading
Did lead the home team to win
So if you’re still an Orioles fan
Bud Light’s a good place to begin.
Filed under Poems
Really? Really.
In the news: 007 is a black lady
And a million people attack area 51.
Neither endeavor is likely to succeed
But at least “Seein’ dem aliens” will be fun.
Filed under Poems
Oscarbait 2019
I screamed at the milk carton
“Why doesn’t she love me?”
The milk carton pondered
For a long, long time.
Starring Keanu Reeves.
Filed under Poems
Why Not .03 Per Cent? FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
Today I saw one per cent milk
And so I gave my mom a holler.
Turns it it’s just crappy milk,
Not 100 milks for a dollar.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 