One person’s trash is another man’s treasure
Which is why every single raccoon
Is living the life with their hot raccoon wife
As a billionaire garbage tycoon.
Tag Archives: Trash
Still Better Than Veganism
Were I a can of cheese
Sitting softly on the shelf
I would live a peaceful life,
Like a stereotypical fantasy elf.
I would not fear to be consumed,
Nor to expire or lose my hair.
I would be orange and insubstantial,
Pressured only by compressed air.
And then one fateful afternoon
Should someone spread me out
And eat me, I can surely say
I’ll probably make them pout.
Yes, the life of cheese-in-a-can
Is an underrated goal:
Such is my conclusion.
I hope you found this droll.
Filed under Poems
I Really Need To Move To The South Already…
You tell me not to use a straw
Because somewhere in the sea
A turtle was killed by floating trash,
Perhaps produced by me.
And somewhere I imagine
In the ocean, deep and blue,
A turtle chokes on a straw and is grateful
To not be dating you.
Filed under Poems
I Hope The Punchline Won’t Drive You Away
Whenever I’m awake at night
Not able to go to sleep
I’ll sneak outside so quietly
Without making a peep
And head off to the landfill
Where old car parts fill a ditch
And I snuggle up with a Michelin,
Bridgestone, or BFGoodrich.
You may just think I’m sleezy,
Like my brain somehow misfired,
But it’s the only way I know
To get really good and tired.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 