Tag Archives: Trash

Still Better Than Veganism

Were I a can of cheese

Sitting softly on the shelf

I would live a peaceful life,

Like a stereotypical fantasy elf.

I would not fear to be consumed,

Nor to expire or lose my hair.

I would be orange and insubstantial,

Pressured only by compressed air.

And then one fateful afternoon

Should someone spread me out

And eat me, I can surely say

I’ll probably make them pout.

Yes, the life of cheese-in-a-can

Is an underrated goal:

Such is my conclusion.

I hope you found this droll.


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I Really Need To Move To The South Already…

You tell me not to use a straw

Because somewhere in the sea

A turtle was killed by floating trash,

Perhaps produced by me.

And somewhere I imagine

In the ocean, deep and blue,

A turtle chokes on a straw and is grateful

To not be dating you.

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I Hope The Punchline Won’t Drive You Away

Whenever I’m awake at night

Not able to go to sleep

I’ll sneak outside so quietly

Without making a peep

And head off to the landfill

Where old car parts fill a ditch

And I snuggle up with a Michelin,

Bridgestone, or BFGoodrich.

You may just think I’m sleezy,

Like my brain somehow misfired,

But it’s the only way I know

To get really good and tired.

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There are many types of trash:

The kind you have to dump,

The kind you meet at 2:00 AM

And really want to hump,

The kind you hide from neighbors

Or that you just throw away.

There’s also, like Cam Newton,

The trash you have to pay.

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