A book came in the mail for me!
I wrote it and it came!
If you act quickly then you can
Experience the same!
It’s yours to buy on Amazon
(Or elsewhere if you’re odd):
It’s cheaper than an ounce of gold
And funnier than God!
Neutral background made of the author’s sweatpants not included…
Filed under Poems
So they dissolved the police force
And the officers found new jobs
As body guards for wealthy folks
Who pay with golden gobs.
Those who forced defunding
Now demand free guards for all.
I guess that the defunders
Want policemen after all!
Filed under Poems
His heart was as big as a pop-up ad
On a movie you watch on your phone.
His mind was as big as the X in the corner
That tells it to leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
Today I am sleepy.
Tomorrow I’m somnolent.
Many already realized
This poem won’t rhyme.
Filed under Poems
Moreso than drugs or heart disease,
Moreso than any tumor,
Most tragedies in life are caused
By lacking a sense of humor.
Filed under Poems
In Japan they make cartoons
With people named Jojo or Light…
And even though they’re Japanese
The characters are all white…
But when we film an adaptation
Fans of the original are mad
Because we only hired white actors
And, apparently, that’s bad?
Filed under Poems
On TV, the blue-haired girl
Is innocent and kind.
She cooks and cleans and loves you
For your heart, not your behind.
She’s fearful, but she conquers it;
Was blind, but now she sees.
In real life, the blue-haired girl
Thinks men are a disease.
Filed under Poems
I like to think of weird jokes
So I wrote one and hid it.
It’s not a “Yomama” joke
‘Cause then everyone would get it!
Filed under Poems
If, in normal conversations,
It were assumed that one should rhyme
We’d have a better grasp of grammar
And awkward silence a lot of the time.
Filed under Poems
One world leader said
“Grab ’em by the pussy,”
But got elected anyway.
One would-be leader
Said “Don’t grab ’em by the pussy”
Before he did, so I guess he’s okay?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 