Tag Archives: Police

The Schmoe Has Chutzpah!

I set my piggy bank on fire

And it burned for seven days.

I threw it at the police

And they murmured their “Oy vey”s.

I watched the burning money fly

Precisely, without fail,

And thus have I invented

The Mazal Tov Cocktail.

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Yay for Forethought!

So they dissolved the police force

And the officers found new jobs

As body guards for wealthy folks

Who pay with golden gobs.

Those who forced defunding

Now demand free guards for all.

I guess that the defunders

Want policemen after all!

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Man’s Best Friend Meets “The Man”

I was running with my dog

One Wednesday afternoon

When my puppy’s nose did spy

Malodorous raccoon.

Not the type to laugh at fate

My dog took up the chase.

Going zero to sixty in 3.2,

He should’ve won the race.

Alas, he turned a corner

Onto Lincoln Parkway South…

A german shepherd police dog

With radar gun in mouth!

I figured it was funny

Knowing the dog had snatched the gun

But funnier was how my pup

Went sixty to zero in 2.1

We got off with a growl,

The raccoon nowhere in sight.

I guess I should be grateful

That my puppy’s fur is white!

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Why Cops Love Summer

The twinkling stream

In sea-foam green

Was strolling o’er the rocks

And on the sand

A merry band

Were clothed in naught but socks.

They danced about,

Let it all hang out,

Just happy to be young,

Especially he,

Who’s six-foot-three

And very amply-hung.

Their harmless fun

Had hurt no one

But the cops lacked any pity:

“This here stream,

“Rural as it may seem,

“Is legally still the city.”

The cops gave out

With an air of clout

Citations to the nudists.

They seemed unstressed

As they got dressed

As if they all were buddhists.

Now clothed, the band

Heeded police demand.

It’s true! I checked on Snopes.

Unclothed, unarmed

They went home unharmed,

So black folks: there’s still hope!

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Excuses: Plane and Simple

Hello officer.
Beautiful day!
Wouldn’t you like
To put the pad away?

I know I was speeding,
But I can explain.
See, this car I’m driving
Began as a plane.

I was flying a mission
Over Afghanistan.
I was low on gas, thinking
“I gotta land dis, man.”

So I steered for my base
And managed to crash land
A few miles from here
On some beautiful grashland.

I didn’t want to get spotted
By the enemy, so
I disguised my busted plane
As this beat-up GTO.

But the engine runs fine
At three hundred per hour,
And for a car this size
That’s just too much power.

So please, officer
Cut this soldier some slack.
I’m far from my base
Just trying to get back.

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