Category Archives: Poems

Symbolism

All good things have symbols,

Logos, and/or icons.

The golden M is Micky D’s.

The word”Nikon” is Nikon’s.

Now this is great for products

And for things you buy and sell,

But have you once considered

Other ways this works well?

Take a dollar symbol,

Which stands for money that we make.

Have you ever noticed

That it’s a pole-dancing snake?

Or how about the three curved lines

That indicate Wi-Fi.

They’re nothing but a magic drill

Descending from the sky.

What’s a symbol for your workplace?

A necktie does the trick

Because it’s both a hangman’s noose

And an arrow towards someone’s dick.

If I were a symbol

I’d be this guy: & Yup.

(I originally wanted to be an 8

But some artist messed up).

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Tuesday Night

Tuesday night at 10:05

She texted “are you up?”

Tuesday night at 10:16

I cleverly sent back “yup.”

Wednesday morning, 4:08

She wrote me back “me too.”

I heard she found a new “BF,”

And I honestly pity the foo’.

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Good Advice From Video Games

Do you feel worthless,

Hateful and depressed?

Does even going to sleep

Make you feel stressed?

Do you ever think of ending

Your life, which turned out shoddy?

If you do, let someone know

So they can loot your body.

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Playtime’s Over

Tiny white flakes

Fall past my window

Onto the sidewalk,

Each one unique,

Their lives so short.

Those kids got what they deserved

For early morning bed-jumping

With the window open.

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Small Talk 1.0

If you want to agree with a stranger

Say “What a beautiful day.”

If you want to argue with a stranger

Say “I think both parties are okay.”

If you don’t feel like talking

Say “What’s that?” And run away.

(If you’re a woman in a bar

You can also say “I’m gay.”)

And if all else fails,

Dead’s a good thing to play.

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Why Don’t Plants Move?

I used to know

Why plants didn’t move.

About it I used to sing,

But now I’m confused

Because chlorophyll

And chloroform aren’t the same thing.

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Not The Adventurous Sort

If I could be any animal

For just a single day

I would be a human

‘Cause right now my life’s ok.

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One Of Those Times

Brute strength can’t do everything.

Stamina has limits.

Despite how hard you try

Not every couplet rhymes.

You can lose your focus.

You can lose your mind.

Life might not gives you lemons,

And maybe not even limes.

Sometimes you write two stanzas

Before you realize

That you have no conclusion.

But you don’t want to erase.

Sometimes you write “you”

When referring to yourself.

Next time you write this poem

Instead use “what’s your face.”

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NFL Commentary

How do you like those Animals?

They’ve got grit and size and speed.

Getting the ball from the QB’s hands

To the receiver’s what they need.

They’ve got guys who make a difference,

They’re just as strong as they seem,

And I think they’ll be successful

If they score more than the other team.

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Donald Trump, Millennial

Don’t blame me for staying inside.

It isn’t an attempt to hide.

I’m not opposed to wind or sleet,

Nor do I have tired feet.

I’m not a hermit. I have friends

And ways of meeting all the ends.

I’m neither strange nor bizarre

If I’d rather not go to a bar.

I have my needs (I am a guy).

A wife would be great, but I’ve got Wi-Fi.

I don’t stay in ’cause I’m afraid

Of getting shot or not getting laid.

I stay inside because out there

People laugh about my hair.

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