And God made man
And of man he said:
“He shall be a good companion
“Every day until he’s dead.”
And God made woman
And of woman did proclaim
“Three out of four weeks
“She’ll be basically the same…”
Tag Archives: God
Counterargument…
What if God’s a dog?
That’s why he loves everyone
And doesn’t talk much…
Filed under Poems
Egyptians Were Right All Along?
What if God’s a cat
That destroys things now and then
But mostly just naps?
Filed under Poems
Maker Of EVERYTHING?
God is perfect, but
Counterpoint: Cilantro though…
I doth rest my case.
Filed under Poems
And Then The Lord Did Unfriend Me
God made me a sandwich
And told me not to tell
But that’s my coolest story
So I’ll see all y’all in hell.
Filed under Poems
The Blood God Congenially Requests Your Creativity
So I was just a year past ageless
And I wanted lamb for dinner
So I demanded a sacrifice
From some now-nameless sinner.
Now every year since the dawn of man
They sacrifice more sheep.
Can’t you sacrifice a salad once?
Or maybe a marshmallow peep?
Filed under Poems
World Design 101
You ask me if there is a god
And I say that I hope not
For I have traveled o’er the world
And many treasures sought
Yet behind every waterfall
I found just rocky flat.
Who would wish a god exists
Who makes a world like that?
Filed under Poems
They Always Said He Was Watching…
So I got a notification
That says God is following my blog…
I guess I’m no longer an atheist
And perhaps I should learn how to jog?
Filed under Poems
Thus Spake The Lord
So God was like “I made animals
“And they’re useful and delicious
“But you chose to eat an apple
“And so, to be malicious,
“I’ll make your parents teach you
“That vegetables are good
“And also make steak cost way more
“Than such meat ever should.”
Filed under Poems
Deleted Scenes From Genesis
And the Lord said unto women:
Unto the lake you’ll goeth swimmin’
And the men will paint you and make art.
And the Lord said unto men:
Here’s a paper and pen.
Also, laugh every time you say “fart.”
***
John begat Jonah
And Jonah begat Josh
And Josh begat Evan
Who said “Oh my gosh
“My name is, like, Eve now
“And I’m not one of you men.”
And thus God prepared
For a flood once again.
***
In the beginning
There were two Gods above,
All powerful beings
And madly in love.
One God said, “Oh other God
“I’m pregnant with Earth.”
Other God said “We’re out of milk.
“See ya after the birth!”
Filed under Poems
