There once was a guy and his dog
And they read limericks on a blog.
Now he’s married to a hotty
And he drives a bugatti
And he owns a sweet mansion in Prague.
Tag Archives: Ads
What? You’re Not Immediately Buying My Books? I Guess The Stock Music And Multiracial Couples From The TV Do Something After All…
Filed under Poems
Oh No! Now My Privacy Is Auctioned Off By A Monopolistic Corporate Super Power? But Now I Won’t See Ads For Things I Whisper Within Earshot Of My Fridge!
Now Google Chrome apparently
Is blocking third-party cookies
So companies have to pay them
To earn the user clicks and lookies.
People are acting like this is bad,
As if personalized ads were good…
But people are optimistic about the election
So I guess they probably would.
Filed under Poems
Based On My Real Evening
I watched a movie on TV
About an animated queen.
It had more lotion ads
Than I’ve ever seen.
Also, insurance,
Restaurants, and cars…
Apparently peasants
Need moist skin to be stars?
And so as the princess
And sidekicks sang ballads
I dreamt good healthcare
And never-ending salads.
Then plot twist! Men are evil
And love cures all pain.
I’m grateful for friendship
Brought to you by Gain!
Filed under Poems
Never Gonna Give You Up
I left an item in a shopping cart
Seven years ago.
I still get advertisements to this day.
I wish I were so smart
That I could only know
How to make my hairline work that way.
Filed under Poems
YouTube These Days
There once was a Nord VPN
Who played Raid: Shadow Legen(ds)
They sponsored this video
And now I must know
That Sharespace and GoDaddy come when?
Filed under Poems
Campaign Ads, 2028
My fellow Americans
I stand before you today
To declare my intention to run
For president of the USA.
If I am elected
I promise to unite
A country that’s divided
Between the left and right.
Speaking of right, my campaign is sponsored
By Google Energy Drink.
It’s made with all of your favorite flavors
Because data showed us how you think.
Consume three cans of GED a day
Or we’ll share your browser history.
But back to how I’ll save our nation…
Find out tonight at 10:00 on History!
Filed under Poems
Give Me The Change You Want To See
You know how when you want to watch
A YouTube video
And just when it gets to the good part
The talent starts to show
An ad for “Raid: Shadow Legends”
Or some other mobile game
And you just skip ahead because
You think the ad is lame?
Well, that’s basically the state
Of politics today:
Companies sponsor actors
And we look the other way.
So if you want to change the world
Don’t buy Pfizer or Walmart.
Instead, please spend your hard-earned cash
On poetry to start!
Filed under Poems
Bonus: SNL Promo
Do you love comedy, but hate laughing?
Do you like shows where all the talented cast members left but you keep watching anyway?
Did you take a Buzzfeed personality test that called you “The one who sucks all the joy out of your friend group” and posted it proudly on social media with the caption “ZOMG, this is like soooooo me!”?
No?
Yeah, that’s what we thought.
Don’t watch SNL.
Filed under Uncategorized
Or We Could Just Choose An Animal And Interrupt Your Football Game…
Back when Youtube first began
A bunch of kids created
Videos so funny that
Folks nearly suffocated.
Now, insurance companies
Pay grown-ups lots of money
To make commercial messages
Which somehow still aren’t funny.
If you want to sell me
Some insurance or the like
You should fire your writing staff
And hire some kid named Mike
‘Cause when I see an ad that says
“We’re expensive, we won’t lie
“But we’re not just corporate assholes”
That’s the moment that I’ll buy!
Filed under Poems
Instead Of Going Back In Time To Kill Hitler, Consider This Guy
“What if, instead of selling stuff
To people who will buy it
We interrupt TV and stuff
To talk about a diet,
A tv show, a sugar drink,
A car, or car insurance?
That should make folks love us,
Or at least that’s my inference!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 