Tag Archives: Black Humor

Gotta Earn That $25 Visa Gift Card Christmas Bonus!

‘Twas the night before Monday,

The holiday’s end,

And the workers had finished

Their Black Friday spend.

Their cars were all parked

With their windshields frosted

And bellies were bulging

From turkeys accosted.

When all of a sudden

There came such a clatter

And the bosses were shocked,

Asking what was the matter

That caused half the workers

To all call in sick.

Was it coincident timing

Or some type of trick?

So the managers dialed

A flurry of phones

And said, “Hey how are you”

In indifferent tones

Before they proceeded

With the meat of their call:

“You must come in tomorrow

“Or not come back at all.”

And so all the workers

With debt growing daily

Said “Sure, see you Monday”

While giggling gaily.

Then the bosses drove off

To their villas, inspired.

Merry Monday to all!

Get to work or you’re fired!

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The Old Greats Are Always Surpassed By Modern Marvels

Frankenstein reflects

That his monster has nothing

On the kid you made.

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High School Science, 2025

Men are from Mars.

Women are from Venus.

Explain in 500 words

Why you should chop off your penis.

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No Fire Breath Required

Soon the dragons will come returning

And watch our nations burn and fall

And say, “My goodness, look at them go!

“Guess they didn’t need us after all.”

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When Counting Your Blessings Doesn’t Work, Try Counting Your Absences

Everyone in the world

Should get a chihuahua

From the government, totally free

Because when they all die

We’ll all understand

How much better life is when dog-free.

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Sincerely, Educated White Dudes

I’m not much of a gangster

And I’m not a street-smart guy

So can anyone enlighten me

How so much gets you high?

For example, bath salts

And keyboard cleaner cans

Made someone want to sniff them

And promptly earned their bans…

Who are the people purchasing

And sniffing random goods

To see if something in them

Makes them feel different moods?

And if it’s not trial and error

But some scientific knowledge

That tells you what’s worth selling

On the street to pay for college

Then why aren’t people using

This backroom chemical expertise

To make it so the methheads

Can unabashedly say “cheese”?

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The Future Is Now

I write an essay for my class

Using ChatGPT.

The AI-checker software says

It was written by me.

But I write a post on Facebook

That includes the phrase, “The Jews”

And I get called a Russian bot

And scolded on the news.

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A Practical Alternative to Thoughts and Prayers

I think we need a reverse Make-a-Wish

Where kids with cancer go see

Some self-absorbed millionaire bozos

Who’re all caught up in “poor me”,

And little bald Kaleb can smile

And give Mr. Rich a high five.

If we do this enough they might donate stuff

And the cancer kids might stay alive.

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Harry Potter And The One Minute Of Missing Footage

Christmas at Hogwarts, 1997:

Harry Potter is in heaven

Opening gifts from his first ever friends

And hoping this day never ends

When off to the side he notices one

Nondescript little package and opens it. Fun!

Inside is a cloak made of magical paper

For invisible movement during a caper.

“How does it work?” Harry asked. Ron, compliant,

Said, “It’s made from the list of all Epstein’s clients.”

Then Harry nodded, his heart feeling zen,

And Professor Quirrel was never seen again.

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The Finalists For The 2025 Missing Championship

Epstein client list

Inner city black father

Livable wage jobs

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