I can’t afford to pay a dominatrix.
Their fee is simply too high to abide,
So when I want to be whipped and degraded
I turn on the “check engine” light in my ride.
Tag Archives: Black Humor
The Redneck Reindeer
‘Twas the night after Christmas
And all through the crick
All the rednecks were calling
Old Francis a dick
‘Cause of all of the nights
To go hunting for deer
These nights are the very worst
Parts of the year.
He must’ve been drinking.
Why else would he look
For deer in the sky
And take the shot that he took?
Now all of the kiddies
Have stockings of air
‘Cause old Francis’s shotgun
Had pellets to spare.
But the crick kids were thankful
As they took a big bite
Of smoked red-nosed venison
On post-Christmas night.
Filed under Poems
We All Know Someone Who Deserves This Gift Though
If you get a hippopotamus for Christmas
‘Cause only a hippopotamus will do
I won’t get a gift for you next Christmas
‘Cause you’ll just be hippopotamus poo.
Filed under Poems
Gotta Earn That $25 Visa Gift Card Christmas Bonus!
‘Twas the night before Monday,
The holiday’s end,
And the workers had finished
Their Black Friday spend.
Their cars were all parked
With their windshields frosted
And bellies were bulging
From turkeys accosted.
When all of a sudden
There came such a clatter
And the bosses were shocked,
Asking what was the matter
That caused half the workers
To all call in sick.
Was it coincident timing
Or some type of trick?
So the managers dialed
A flurry of phones
And said, “Hey how are you”
In indifferent tones
Before they proceeded
With the meat of their call:
“You must come in tomorrow
“Or not come back at all.”
And so all the workers
With debt growing daily
Said “Sure, see you Monday”
While giggling gaily.
Then the bosses drove off
To their villas, inspired.
Merry Monday to all!
Get to work or you’re fired!
Filed under Poems
The Old Greats Are Always Surpassed By Modern Marvels
Frankenstein reflects
That his monster has nothing
On the kid you made.
Filed under Poems
High School Science, 2025
Men are from Mars.
Women are from Venus.
Explain in 500 words
Why you should chop off your penis.
Filed under Poems
No Fire Breath Required
Soon the dragons will come returning
And watch our nations burn and fall
And say, “My goodness, look at them go!
“Guess they didn’t need us after all.”
Filed under Poems
When Counting Your Blessings Doesn’t Work, Try Counting Your Absences
Everyone in the world
Should get a chihuahua
From the government, totally free
Because when they all die
We’ll all understand
How much better life is when dog-free.
Filed under Poems
Sincerely, Educated White Dudes
I’m not much of a gangster
And I’m not a street-smart guy
So can anyone enlighten me
How so much gets you high?
For example, bath salts
And keyboard cleaner cans
Made someone want to sniff them
And promptly earned their bans…
Who are the people purchasing
And sniffing random goods
To see if something in them
Makes them feel different moods?
And if it’s not trial and error
But some scientific knowledge
That tells you what’s worth selling
On the street to pay for college
Then why aren’t people using
This backroom chemical expertise
To make it so the methheads
Can unabashedly say “cheese”?
Filed under Poems
The Future Is Now
I write an essay for my class
Using ChatGPT.
The AI-checker software says
It was written by me.
But I write a post on Facebook
That includes the phrase, “The Jews”
And I get called a Russian bot
And scolded on the news.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 