If your cat attacks you
It means he wants your love.
So does meowing, purring,
And leaping on you from above.
But if your cat ignores you
And poops in the flower bed
It means “Yeah sure, I love you
“But don’t let it go to your head.”
Tag Archives: Cats
Fable Of A Missing Cat
Kitty in the city
Went a wandering. Owner’s pondering
Where there cat be at
And will it be back? Night is black
And the feline made a beeline
Not thinking of the sinking
Feeling and sorrowful reeling
That has his human worried and fumin’.
For one whole day it stayed away
And then at twilight thought “Well alright
“I’ll return, for my human doth yearn
“For me to pee
“In his home. I shan’t roam.”
And thus the the cat said that was that.
Yet now he purrs as the wanderlust stirs…
Filed under Poems
Scorpion Owners Just Laugh…
Doggie cuddle
In a puddle;
Heart and muzzle
Under the stars.
Kitty snuggle
Is a struggle;
With every nuzzle
A few more scars.
With Pictures (But Not Of That, You Pervert)
I have a voyeuristic cat
Who likes to look at this and that.
He’d probably be less entertained
If his own this and that remained,
But since he’s now a they/them
He’ll hop atop the bed: “Ahem.”
And when we finish he does not,
But instead meows: “You’re in my spot.”
Filed under Poems
Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable
There once was a beloved cat
Who thought it appropriate that
In a moment of passion
It would be in fashion
To smother my face with its fat.
Filed under Poems
Yes, I Stayed Home And Ate Ice Cream Tonight… Why Do You Ask?
I love you like a cat loves a laser
Or a box or a chair or a lap
Or a keyboard, a pillow, in front of the door,
Or wherever else it takes a nap.
I love you like a cat loves to poop
And the bury its crap in the sand,
And its talking like this that makes men like me
In relentless romantic demand.
Filed under Poems
All The Low Notes, All At Once, Fortissimo… An Unexpected Climax
Men, you probably know by now
About romantic passion,
And how the ambiance before
Takes quite a bit to fashion.
One must say the secret words
To snare a woman’s heart
And have stamina and strength enough
To delay that tempting fart.
Tonight I learned another step
That our ancestors did
That promoted procreation:
They closed the piano keyboard lid.
Alas, I lacked their wisdom
And an Earth that might have shaken
Is now not more than legend
Thanks to the route the cat has taken.
Filed under Poems
My Kind Of Superpower
Have you ever noticed
How a cat can lie down
On any surface at all
And just go to town,
Floppy, relaxed,
Happy as can be
On the edge of a bed
Or the top of a TV?
I wish I had the power
To flop anywhere
And be totally comfy
And free of all care
But instead I’m in bed now
And my heart rate is spiking
Because my pillow’s a little
Too warm for my liking…
Filed under Poems
And The Items On The Shelves Sighed With Relief
There once was an Isle of Cat
Where the felines were wild and fat.
They all got along great,
Which is something cats hate,
So they ran away, and that was that.
Filed under Poems
And You Thought They Just Slept A Lot And Licked Themselves!
Nobody knows the journey of a cat:
Where they go or what they do,
What secret groves within they sat
Or fearsome vermin that they slew.
No one knows the lives they’ve saved
And the worlds they lost in vain.
Such is the mystery of the cat;
Both majesty and pain.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 