If you’d like a hamburger
It only costs a dollar.
If you want cheese on it
It’ll cost you dollars two.
Want to add some bacon?
That’s two dollars fifty.
Want some avacado?
Your firstborn kid will do.
Tag Archives: food
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The sky has fallen
The sea has boiled
The Earth has shaken
The contingency’s foiled
The zombies prowl
But I’m okay:
Whipped cream goes “psshhhh”
And they can’t take that away
Filed under Poems
But Jell-O, Pasta, Potatoes, Tacos… All Fair Game
I think when you turn 40
You get a superpower
To make any food into a salad.
But when you’re 45
The option to use vegetables
Besides celery suddenly becomes invalid.
Filed under Poems
Smoothies
Whenever I start hating humans
I remember that someone created
A cup that spins knives in the bottom
That cut food as its electrically gyrated
And it makes a smooth mixture of flavors
From fruits, sugar, protein, et cetera.
Sure, some people still put veggies in
But it still makes you feel better, huh?
Filed under Poems
Port-au-Prince Palace Anyone?
We’ve talked about Chinese food
Being cats for many a year
And I have to ask if Haitians
Are missing a franchise opportunity here…
Filed under Poems
Dirty Mind Test, V. 2024
They’re sweet and round and yummy
And better when filled with meat.
I’ll grab a pair with both my hands,
Spread some mayo, smile, and eat.
Mix it with a pickle
(A wiener would do as well)
And you’ve got yourself an evening…
Yeah, her buns are sweet as hell!
Filed under Poems
What Did You Have For Lunch?
Today I tried making sushi
And, in a way, it was a success…
I managed to put all the rice in a roll
And wrap it in bamboo and press.
The ingredients all fit together
And it tasted like sushi indeed.
The downside is it looked like Lizzo
Wrapped in very expensive seaweed.
Filed under Poems
Elite Athletes Need Specific Food? Nah… Be Vegan
There once were olympics in Paris
Whose food service tends to embarrass.
They said “Earth’s getting hot!
“Eat le meat you will not
“But you’ll have un grande vue from the terrace.”
Filed under Poems
Poems from My Vacation 1 – Breakfast
Be me on the ocean
On my early morning jaunt
And I’m greeted on the stairway
By a chocolate croissant.
It’s sitting on a marble step,
Uneaten, undisturbed,
And it greets me silently,
Melty and unperturbed.
Part of me is hungry
And would gladly pick it up
But my wife holds my left hand
And my right hand holds a cup.
Instead I bend my pelvis
And my knees caress the floor
And in one delicious moment
The croissant is no more.
Filed under Poems
The Power Of Comparison
If you ask guests at a restaurant
“Would you like to try the lamb?”
They might say “yes”, or maybe “no”,
Or “I don’t give a damn.”
But if you ask those same guests
If they prefer starfish tartar
You’ll find them much more likely
To prefer the lamb by far.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 