As I drive down the highway
I see dozens of signs:
Slower
Traffic
Keep
Right
Right
Lane
Ends
Adopt a
Highway
Litter
Control
And I think to myself
“These sign writers are overdoing the enjambment.”
Tag Archives: Free Verse
Marriage Means Always Discovering New Things
Today I discovered
That farting into the air purifier
Makes the lights go red
And the fans go brrrrrrr.
Today my wife discovered
That she made a terrible mistake
By not saving her farts
Until she was closer to the air purifier.
#Love
Filed under Poems
My Daily Contribution To Nonviolent Language
I think rehabilitated homeless people
Should be called “Ikean Americans”
Because they used to live in boxes
But now they’re all put together
Just sayin’
Filed under Poems
Activism Today
The world has three types of people:
Those who raise awareness for issues,
Those who laugh at the awareness-raisers,
And those who think the other types
Should be the change they want to see.
Unfortunately, the type who make changes
Require a 200 GB update to the system
And God still has dialup.
Filed under Poems
My Essay on the Causes of World War II
I like how people decided
That art was subjective
And you can like anything you want
But then you draw a bicycle
And you get a C in art class
From a guy whose degree
Taught them a red line on a blank canvas
Was worth millions of dollars.
Maybe I should be a politician instead?
Filed under Poems
I Am Become Dum Dum Tss *Xylophone Noises*
Sometimes I wonder about the guy
Who took the default background photos
Or composed the ringtones for the popular phones
Or wrote the “you’re on hold” jazz
And I wonder if they are proud
Or ashamed of what they’ve created,
Sort of like the nuclear bomb
But without the violence
And they can watch anime in peace.
Can I Be A Director Of Something Now?
Sometimes I look back and wonder
“Why didn’t I spend more time studying
“How to write mission statements?”
Then I assemble a committee to discuss
Whether retrospection is amenable
To well-ordered, politically-correct society:
Results pending.
Filed under Poems
If You Have Nothing To Write A Poem About, Write It Anyway Because You Made A Stupid Promise To Post One Every Day And You Ain’t No Quitter
If I could name a river after myself
I think I’d call it “David River”
‘Cause that’s a limitation
Of the whole “name-it-after-yourself” deal.
If I could name a city after myself
I can probably guess your IQ
By what you thought the answer would be.
It would be New David River City
Because duh.
Filed under Poems
Streaming Exclusively On Disney Plus
I think it would be fun
If they made a new Jumanji movie
But it was a free-to-play mobile Jumanji
And they spent all five hours of the movie
Grinding for Jumanjewels
Before they gave up and decided
The old, murdery Jumanji
Wasn’t that bad after all…
Filed under Poems
Art Is Subjective
People always say
“I miss the good old days”
But I think that’s misguided
In many different ways,
Chief of which is that
Although they made so many gargoyles
And so many fountains
The two were very seldom combined,
Which means we’ve had thousands of years
That could have had gargling gargoyles
And yet we got garden gnomes.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 