Today I am sleepy.
Tomorrow I’m somnolent.
Many already realized
This poem won’t rhyme.
Tag Archives: Humor
New To Alaska?
The air was full of mosquitoes
And someone gave me a spray:
“It’s called mosquito repellant
“And it keeps the bugs away.”
I put it on my body
And away went all my cares.
Now I’m going to try the spray
For repelling the bears!
Filed under Poems
See How These Things Escalate? (Pt. 3/3)
Ten minutes ago, I offended myself.
Five minutes ago, I told you.
Now I’m writing one last time
And this time it’s to scold you…
One cannot offend one’s self,
So you must be to blame!
Were it not for other people
I’d have all the wealth and fame!
To apologize for hurting me
I’ll deign to let you grovel,
To beg forgiveness long enough
To fill a Tolstoy novel.
These gifts won’t make you virtuous
Or cleanse you of your sin
But I’m oppressed for being great
So let the praise begin!
Filed under Poems
Perhaps I Overstepped? (Pt. 2/3)
Five minutes ago I published
Twelve lines of verse about
Proper ways to socialize
For those who had a doubt.
Sometimes when I do publish
Things of that ilk I see
That someone gets offended
But this time it was me.
I read my writing quickly,
The slowly read again,
Appalled by what I’d written
With my figurative pen.
I got so mad I punched myself
Then sued myself. Outrageous!
Stay six feet away from yourself;
Stupidity’s contagious!
Filed under Poems
A Primer On Common-Sense Human Interaction (Pt. 1/3)
If you say “Hi”
And get no reply
It could be no one heard you.
If you say “Hi”
And they say “Die”
It’s likely they’ve abjured you.
If you say “Hi”
And they ask “Why?”
Then now’s your time to talk,
And if, to “Hi”
They only sigh
Perhaps you’d better walk.
Filed under Poems
No Joke!
Moreso than drugs or heart disease,
Moreso than any tumor,
Most tragedies in life are caused
By lacking a sense of humor.
Filed under Poems
Introvert Riots
Today I protested protests
By going to the store,
Putting items in my cart
Which I did then pay for.
I then departed quietly
And went back to my house
Where I tweeted “Peace and love”
Before I beat my spouse.
Filed under Poems
My Date Went Okay
I said, “Girl, you are fine.”
She said, “Boy, you’re adequate.”
After that things went alright
And basically, well, that was it.
Filed under Poems
Well, That Escalated Quickly…
If someone stomps a snail to death,
Then snails burn down a city,
Why is that conducive to
Making people think snails aren’t shitty?
Filed under Poems
When Cops Steal Your Pets (At Least You Still Have Your Family)
I got licked by a dog,
Then I got licked by a cat,
Then I got licked by my uncle
But the Feds put an end to that.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 